“It is what saved me. Of that I’m certain.” He paused, hesitated. “When I first started making real money I got a telescope, and I started looking at the stars. It was exciting. Like meeting a friend for the first time, if that makes any sense. But I was very alone, Julia, for most of my life. My surroundings were my only constant. My companion and my enemy.”
“I can’t even imagine, Ferro, but I do try.”
“I know you do.” It made his throat tight. What Julia did for him was more than any person had ever done.
“So show me your favorite places,” she said, gesturing to the telescope.
He got up and positioned it, bending down and looking, searching. “There,” he said. “The Orion nebula. I took particular joy in being able to see that. Once I got the telescope.”
“New discoveries opened up to you,” she said.
“Yes.”
She stood up, dropped the blanket. He stepped aside and went back to the divan while she bent and looked through the telescope.
“Such a fantasy, Julia. A naked woman who takes joy in looking at the stars. I should think that’s a very rare thing for a man to possess.”
She straightened and looked at him. “And I have a mostly naked man who understands the sheer beauty of an eight core processor. That is also fantasy material.”
“I love it when you talk nerdy to me.”
She laughed and joined him on the divan, tugging the blanket up over both of them. “It’s beautiful,” she said.
“What is?”
“The nebula. All of it. This place. Your place. What you’ve done with your life, Ferro, it’s not a small thing. When I first read your biography—”
“That damned book.”
“I know. But when I first read it, I didn’t think it could be true. Because how could a boy with no education, who had been through everything you’d been through, transcend it all and reach the place you have. You’re truly amazing, and now that I see you as something other than my enemy I realize that.”
“When this is over,” he said, “we will still be competition. Everything is going back to how it was before. It’s part of our bargain.”
Something flashed through her eyes. Sadness. Deep, heartbreaking sadness. “I know. But you’ll never be my enemy again, even if I’m yours.”
He put his hand on her cheek, felt her skin, soft beneath his. He wanted to make her promises. Wanted to find a way to fuse the pieces of himself, as they’d been in that moment following the time they’d made love in his office. For one, brief flash of time, he had been whole, and he wanted it again so badly. So he could even begin to understand what he wanted to say. What he should say.
But he had nothing. No words. So he leaned in and kissed her, because it was what he knew. Because he knew it would cover his inadequacies.
She kissed him, sweet, giving. Giving in a way he could never hope to be.
He pushed her onto her back, kissed her neck, her collarbone, the curve of her breast. He tugged the blanket away so he could look at her body, bathed in the moonlight.
“You are without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I have seen beneath the night sky.” He lowered his head, ran his tongue over her nipple and watched as it peaked in the cool outdoor air. “Without a doubt.”
She put her hands on his cheeks, her eyes boring into his. “You are an amazing man, Ferro. The most amazing I have ever known. If I could make you feel what I feel. If I could give the feelings I have for you to you, I would. So you would know how incredible you are.”
Her gaze, unflinching, honest, made him feel far too exposed. Made him feel like he was naked for the first time with her. Yes, he’d been naked with her many times over the course of the past week, and before that, there had been other women he’d been naked with.
Not like this. Never like this.
He lowered his head, kissed her neck, inhaled the sweet scent of her skin.
“Ferro—”
He cut her off with a kiss, moved his hand down between her thighs and started stroking her damp flesh until her words turned into sighs of pleasure. He watched her face as he pushed a finger deep inside her while stroking her clitoris with his thumb. He could do this. He could do sex. He could give her pleasure, take pleasure.