Eventually, she falls back asleep, and I attempt to organize the thoughts running through my mind. For the past few days, I’ve managed to forget what coming back here would entail. But it is not so easy now. And when I finally pull up to the safe house just after two a.m., it feels like I’ve been punched in the gut as I consider what happens next. I have difficulty trusting others, but in this instance, I will have no choice.
Kat is still fast asleep beside me, unaware that I’m watching her. Studying the lines of her face, the fall of her hair. At that moment, the thought that I could ever lose her hits me like a punch to the gut. I want more than to simply call her mine. I want her to be my wife and take my last name and make me more beautiful children. I want all of those things with her.
But for right now, tonight is all we have. And I try not to let that sour my mood as I stir her from sleep with a kiss.
“Are we here?” She blinks and sits upright, glancing at the unfamiliar house in confusion. “What is this place?”
“It’s a safe house,” I tell her. “Come on.”
She doesn’t seem convinced that it’s actually safe, but when I get out and start unbuckling Josh, she is quick to follow. I carry him to the door, and Kat glances up at me nervously as I knock. When Pasha answers, he gestures us inside, but Kat is frozen to the doorstep.
“Who is this?” she asks.
“It’s a friend,” I assure her. More specifically, he is one of Alexei’s latest recruits. Still somewhat green, but highly trustworthy, and right now, he’s the only available option I have.
Kat doesn’t seem to warm to the idea of him hanging around, even as we enter the house and get settled in. I show her around the place, which consists of the basics. There are two bedrooms and a bathroom. Not a lot of furniture, but enough to stay here for a while at least. I also note that Alexei had the second room done up with a child-sized bed and plenty of books and toys. Probably something his wife encouraged, but regardless, I am grateful.
“Will he be okay in here?” Kat asks nervously as I lay Josh into the bed.
“Yes.” I point at the window, which has been sealed shut. “That glass? It’s bulletproof, Kat. And this monitor will let you see anything that goes on in this room from any part of the house. There is also a keypad on every door, which I will give you the code for.”
She swallows and glances down at our son, her eyes glassy and her face fraught with emotion. “Okay. As long as I can see him.”
After giving Josh a kiss, we exit the room and join Pasha in the living room. It’s late, and we’re all tired, but I don’t have a lot of time. Tomorrow morning, I will need to leave her here with him, and I need her to know that it’s okay.
Pasha seems to understand my unspoken thoughts as he offers her something to drink, and then proceeds to show her that the pantry and fridge are fully stocked. When Kat declines, he makes small talk, pointing out some other features of the house and asking her conversational questions to get her talking a little.
While they do that, I grab the bags and scope out the street. It’s a quiet suburban neighborhood where neighbors keep to themselves and the only prowlers to be seen are cats with bells on their collars. Alexei has done well by my family, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Once I’m back inside, I thank Pasha for his help and take Kat to the other bedroom. She’s got the monitor in her hand, constantly checking on Josh, and I can tell she won’t be getting any sleep tonight in her current frame of mind.
“Is Pasha staying here too?” she asks.
“Yes.” I remove her coat and slowly undress her, helping her into her nightgown and pulling back the covers for her to climb into bed.
“Where are you going?” She frowns as I move toward the door.
“I’ll be right back.”
When I return a few moments later, with Josh cradled in my arms, she looks relieved as I lay him beside her.
“Just for tonight,” I tell her. “Until you feel comfortable here.”
Kat kisses his forehead and watches as I remove my shoes and coat, and then lay down on the outside of the bed, still in my shirt and jeans.
“Do you think this is a good idea?” She worries her lip between her teeth. “If he wakes up and sees us all sleeping together—”
“Then he will start to understand that we are a family.” I lean over and kiss her lips. “Now go to sleep, sweetheart. Tomorrow is a new day.”