I begin to tidy up her desk at first, attempting to put everything back as it was before, but then I decide against it. Maybe it’s time to let Kat know she has a reason to look over her shoulder. But just in case it isn’t clear, I remove the familiar pink scarf tucked inside my jacket and stuff it into her bottom drawer. A subtle message she can’t miss.
Honey, I’m home.
12
Kat
I feel a slight throbbing of my head and am more tired than usual when I pull into a parking spot at the school on Friday morning. Probably the bottle of wine Luke and I shared last night at Emma’s half-birthday. Guilt gnaws at me. I probably shouldn’t have driven home, but I didn’t want to stay.
I had no intention to drink at all, but it felt good to relax a little. Let my guard down. I’ve been tense all week, more than a week, and that feeling that someone’s following me, watching me hasn’t subsided.
Josh is humming along to a child’s song from the CD we usually listen to, and when the music stops abruptly once I kill the engine, I hear his little high voice, and it makes me smile. I turn back to look at him.
“Did you and Emma have fun last night?”
“Yep. I think she liked her half-birthday gift.” Josh has a crush on Emma, and it’s so cute. “She can’t read yet, so I read it to her,” he adds casually. It was a copy of one of his favorite books, and I’ve read it to him so many times that he’s memorized the text.
“Well, that was nice of you,” I tell him. “Ready to brave the cold?”
He nods.
I open my door to slip out and can’t help but glance toward the woods again.
“He’s not there today, Mommy,” Josh says from the back seat.
I freeze, every cell in my body icing over.
“Wh-what did you say?” I ask him finally, lifting my gaze to see his in the rearview mirror.
“The man,” Josh says, pointing at the woods. “You were looking at him too.”
“What man?”
“You know,” he says, trying to pop the seat belt but not quite able to.
“What did he look like?”
“I don’t know. He was wearing a hat and a big coat.”
“When did you see him?”
He scrunches up his face. “I don’t remember,” he finally says.
“It’s really important. Can you try to think about it?”
He nods, taps a finger to his mouth, and looks up. It’s a gesture his teacher makes. He then turns back to me. “I don’t remember. Can we go inside? It’s cold.”
I nod. “Sure, sweetie.” I don’t want to upset him so I try to act casual as I undo his belt and lift him out of the car.
“Are you scared of him, Mommy?” Josh asks, again surprising me. Although I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s always been very tuned in to my feelings.
“No, dear. I just…hadn’t realized you’d seen him too.”
“Who is he? Is he your friend?”
I’m saved from having to answer when the bell rings. “Uh-oh, we’re going to be late!” I quickly close the door, and we rush toward the front doors. I catch Josh when he slips on some ice, and he giggles.
“I’ll take you skating this weekend, okay?” I tell him.
“Yay!”
The weekend coming up is a long weekend, and I’m grateful that the school’s already quieter this morning. A lot of parents will take advantage of the three-day weekend and take their kids out early. Josh and I aren’t going anywhere, but it’ll be good to have an extra day off.
After I walk Josh into his room, I help him out of his coat and kiss him goodbye. I watch him for a moment as he rushes to his group of friends and starts playing happily.
My mind is racing as I walk out of the classroom, and I’m not paying attention when I turn the corner of the hallway to the teacher’s lounge and run straight into Luke’s chest.
“Whoa.” His hands close around my arms, steadying me when I bounce off, and I’m reminded of another night when someone caught me like Luke just did. Steadied me. Took care of me.
I give a shake of my head. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” I tell him.
“Miss Katie, you’re a klutz,” Emma says with a giggle.
I force a smile at the little girl, but my anxiety is growing. “I thought you weren’t going to be here today,” I say to them both. Luke had told me last night he was planning to leave early to take Emma to her grandparents for a visit.
“We had to cancel,” Emma says, disappointed. “Grandma doesn’t feel well.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” I say.
I look up at Luke. His expression is odd, and I remember last night. Remember him wanting to open another bottle and suggesting I stay over. Even offering to sleep on the couch and let me have his bed.