I had nothing more to lose.
All that was left was to say goodbye to the three cyborgs I loved more than anything.
Dex
Imoved my frame out of the doorway as Reaper tugged the female called Nara out and down the hall. Once I had uttered my question, I had gone quiet, watching the scene unfold before me like a bad human vid file.
I had more important things on my processors. Things that sent my circuits spinning. Once free from my vat, I had studied Dax religiously. In part because I wanted to know about the only other model type who was like myself, and secondly, because my maker wanted a carbon copy of Dr. Shaw’s greatest creation.
I learned quickly that I was different from Dax. Francine Shaw had realized it as well. That hadn’t worked out great for me. Once she discovered I would not be a clone of Dax, any fondness she had displayed toward me had vanished.
Not that she had been all that fond to begin with. I spent days locked in the dark wondering why I couldn’t be what she wanted; why I couldn’t be Dax. I had scanned my processors on repeat looking for whatever had gone wrong.
Now I believe I knew the answer. I hadn’t been mapped after Dr. Shaw. If I had been, I might have come out a lot more like Dax. But if my maker hadn’t used Dr. Shaw’s brain map as her guide, then who had she used?
I had asked the question, but logic told me there was only one person she would have used. Only one person she believed to be better than her sister -herself.
My back hit the wall with a dull thud, my frame sliding down until I found myself sitting on the cold floor. I shook, my chest drawing tight as I clawed at my t-shirt.
Dr. Shaw let out a gasp. “Dax. He’s panicking.”
Cyborgs don’t panic.The denial was on my lips, but the words remained trapped in my throat.
As my trembling increased, a stray thought crossed my mind -maybe Dax and I were alike in more ways than I thought.
“Dex.” Dax’s face swam in front of my eyes, his bright purple bowtie dotted with pink starsmocking me from around his neck.
How could he wear that monstrosity?My circuits quipped. I blinked, trying to focus on his face. The face that was mine, but not.
“Breathe with me,” Dax said softly, his words an echo of the ones I had said to him only days earlier. I zeroed in on the rise and fall of his chest, matching my breathing to his exact rhythm, breathing in time with Dax.
“That’s good. You’re okay.” His green eyes sparkled with relief. I stared at the cyborg who I had loved and hated my whole life. A smiling photograph of him had been the first thing I had been given. Memorizing every line of his face, every angle of his frame, I tried to imagine what he would think of me. I longed to know what he was smiling about. I thought maybe if I asked, he would tell me what made him so happy…and maybe he could show me how to be happy, too.
The connection I felt had been instantaneous. The resentment followed later. He became the reason I was kept locked in the dark. The reason my processors were tweaked repeatedly in Francine’s attempt to fix where she went wrong.
I wanted to be him at the same time I wanted to be anyonebuthim. After Lennox found me, I had done everything I could to distance myself from thebrilliant Science Modelthat wasDax.
My breathing evened out, the panic receding enough my frame stopped trembling. I looked into the eyes the same shade of green as the ones I saw every day in the mirror. “I think I know whose map I have in my head.” The words were whispered.
Dax blinked. I could see his processors spinning, his eyes going wide as he came to the same conclusion I had. “Dr. Shaw’s sister?” Tilting his head, his eyebrows drew together, the fingers wrapped around my shoulder giving it a tight squeeze.
I nodded.
“Shit.” Moving, he slipped his frame next to mine, sitting beside me on the floor. “That can’t be good.”
The use of the curse word had me turning my head. I stared at him, the word seeming so wrong coming from the mouth of someone who looked like he was ready to teach a science class to human school children. The pocket on his lab coat even included apocket protector filled with pens.
“I think fuck would be better to use in this situation. As inI amfucked.” My head tipped back against the wall, my eyes sliding closed. “She wasn’t stable, Dax. What if…” There had been shadows in the back of my processors. An ever-present sense that a darkness lurked beneath all the wires and programming. I trained myself to ignore it. But deep down, it worried me. “What if she made me unstable, too?” I tapped the side of my skull. “I feel it. Something lingers on the edges of my processors as if it’s waiting to grab hold. I’ve fought my way around it for years. I’ve fought it.” I met Dax’s eyes. “What happens if I lose?”
Dax’s eyes narrowed, his jaw tensing as he grabbed for my hand. “You don’t know me yet, and I haven’t proved to you that you can trust me. But I vow Dex; you won’t lose. Not on my watch. Whatever she did, whatever darkness she might have left behind, I’ll find it and I’ll fix it.” He shook his head. “No.We’llfix it.Together.”
His jaw was set in fierce determination. Dax was unwavering in his belief that he-no, we-could do this.Was he for real?I quirked a brow. Reaching out, I tugged the bow tie around his neck, a hint of a smile on my lips.
“Tell me I won’t want to be rocking one of these after we are done.”
Dax laughed. “Please. We may look alike, but we are not the same.” He smirked. “You couldn’t pull it off.”
I rolled my eyes.