“You’re using me for my sword?” I asked.
“Isn’t that the vampire specialty?” His eyes gleamed.
“One of several,” I said.
“So that’s a yes?”
I wanted to say yes. To drive away with him into darkness and woods, to give ourselves a chance to be together without the pressures of Chicago or our families or their expectations. But this wouldn’t be a vacation, and it wouldn’t be without its own pressures.
I looked around at the crowd. The Pack had noticed Connor and I were talking, and several shifters were watchingcircumspectly. Others were being perfectly obvious about it, and their gazes were cold. To their minds, vampires were arrogant, calculating, high-maintenance, manipulative. They weren’t going to bother hiding their disgust that a contender for the throne was giving attention to a vampire.
I didn’t see Miranda—one of the Pack’s shifters who tended to hang out here at the HQ. She had feelings for Connor—and negative ones for me, and not just because I was a vampire. Considering her attitude when Connor had announced he was staying in Chicago—and the fact she thought he’d breached his duty to the Pack—I also suspected she had designs on the throne, the desire to be Apex and take the crown from the Keene family. She probably wasn’t the only one.
Their derision was more dangerous than they imagined. Not just because I was fully capable of taking care of myself—vampires were arrogant for a reason—but because their interest in turn madeitinterested.
I was vampire. But I wasn’t just vampire.
There was more to me than fangs and immortality: There was the monster that lived inside, created—as far as I’d guessed—of the same fragmented magic that had allowed me to be born, as the first vampire ever created by birth, not by bite. I had no name for it—hadn’t wanted to give it one—so I referred to it only as the monster, and I worked to keep it hidden. A difficult mission, given it tended to overwhelm me when I was vulnerable—when blood had been spilled, when danger was high, when other monsters threatened. And pushing it down again was a test of my control.
Connor knew the monster existed; he was the only one I’d trusted with that information, and even he didn’t know the full origin story. Lulu and Theo suspected there was something unusual; they’d both seen me in berserker mode. But I hadn’t toldthem anything. My parents were completely in the dark—about the monster, the effect, my theories about why.
Connor suggested I use the monster and the power it provided instead of pushing it down, which might keep it from overwhelming me. In the last two weeks, I’d been trying to let it stretch, to give it space. Not a partnership, but an acknowledgment.
This, I decided, was one of those times. I let it rise and stretch, shift and undulate beneath my skin, see the world from my eyes—but not quite enough to color my green eyes the monster’s particular shade of crimson. I met the shifters’ gazes, let them see I wasn’t intimidated and was more than willing to fight. That I looked forward to it.
Most of the shifters turned away—whether bored or satisfied or intimidated, I didn’t know. But I suspected this wouldn’t be the only time they looked at me like that, or doubted Connor’s judgment. I wanted to learn more about him, about us. But given those looks, I wasn’t sure an initiation—a private shifter event—was the right vehicle.
“I don’t know,” I said, looking back at him.
There was a flash of surprise in his eyes; Connor wasn’t used to being turned down. And the teenager in me was a little too excited that I’d been the one to deliver it. “What does that mean?”
“It means I appreciate the invitation, and I’d like to see the initiation. But we both know there would be... consequences.”
“Consequences.” His voice was flat.
“The Pack doesn’t much care for me and you being in the same room together. And if that room’s being used for a secret Pack ceremony? It’s going to be controversial. You’re going to take heat for it. And your father might, too.”
His flat expression became a cocky smile. He took a step toward me, close enough that I could feel the heat of his body. “There’s something you should know about me, Elisa.”
His voice was barely a whisper. His words a challenge.
“What’s that?”
“I can handle my own heat. And I don’t care much about controversy. Let me know,” he said, mouth hovering near mine. Then he stepped away and smiled, his expression satisfied and cocky, before disappearing into the crowd.
TWO
My heartbeat had finally started to slow, my vampire reserve sliding back into place, when Lulu found me a few minutes later.
“Where’s he off to?” she asked, picking a pastel-colored petit four from her small plate.
“I don’t know. Alexei Breckenridge delivered a message, and he had to handle it.”
“Ah, the mysterious grandson.”
I looked at her. “You know him?”
“Sure. Everyone makes it to HQ eventually. But he doesn’t deign to talk to the likes of me.”