I slip my hand back into his. Talking about this can’t be easier than hearing it. He’s trying to lead by example, and as much as I don’t like the idea of Cohen showing up to put it to the test, Gaeton is right. It had to be asked. “This might blow up in our faces.”
“It won’t.”
How can Beast be so sure? None of us have an excellent track record with relationships, let alone one as complicated as trying to juggle three people’s needs. “You don’t know that.”
“And you don’t know it won’t work until we try.” He gives my hand a squeeze. “Try with me?”
I might be questioning this, but there’s only one answer. It’s there in the weightless feeling in my chest and the endorphin buzz in my head. “Yes.”
We both look at Gaeton. He doesn’t seem any happier about this than he was a few minutes ago. “If we try and fail, the entire territory will bear the cost of it.”
“We won’t fail.” Beast sounds so confident, I’m being won over despite myself. I’ve seen him when he sets his mind on something. He won’t give up just because things get hard. He wants this, and I do, too.
Gaeton gives another of those long sighs that make me ache for him. “I don’t trust how good this feels.”
My heart wrenches in my chest. There was a time when he would have trusted it, when he would have the same confidence in this that Beast does. I’m the reason he’s doubting now.
If we do this, there will be no traditional white wedding like he had pictured in his head where I walk down the aisle to him. Saying yes means robbing him of that future
Unless it doesn’t.
If we’re going to be unconventional about our relationship, why not do it with our marriage, too? Maybe a marriage like that wouldn’t feel like a trap.
I give myself a little shake. We’re barely agreeing to this in the first place. Looking that far into the future, to a moment where I might walk down the aisle to both of them, is a bad idea. I sit there and wait for my normal panic at the thought of being tied down permanently to hit, but my only answer is the steady beat of my heart in my ears.
Beast touches his chin, bringing them face to face. “Do you trust me?”
Gaeton tenses like he wants to argue, but finally gives a jerky nod. “Yeah. I trust you.”
“Trust me to take care of us until this feels real.”
The sheer scope of what he’s demanding leaves me breathless. Or maybe it’s hope that has my lungs seizing and my body shaking. When Gaeton finally nods again, it feels like every bone in my body goes liquid in relief. I catch his hand with my free one and he gives me a tentative smile. “You know sealing this with a kiss won’t cut it.”
“Whatever you want.” I still lean forward and kiss him hard. I love you. I love you both so much. I’ve said it. I can’t keep saying it, can’t apply gasoline to an already explosive situation. I can’t expect us to all be there. Not with me. Not with each other, either. I have to be patient and let this play out, but the buoyancy in my chest has me feeling just as drunk as I felt coming down from our scene. “Anything you want.”
“What I want is both of you naked.” Beast climbs off the bed and starts stripping. He does it in short, economical movements that aren’t designed to entice, but leave me enraptured all the same. He’s beautiful. He’s always been beautiful to me, scars included. They just show his strength, his will to survive despite everything he’s gone through. Knowing that determination will be focused on progressing this relationship makes me feel warm and tingly.
I nudge Gaeton. “You heard him.”
“Just enjoying the view,” he rumbles.
Beast takes off his pants and I can’t help licking my lips at the memory of that piercing against my tongue. Gaeton huffs out a laugh and climbs off the bed, which has my gaze dragging helplessly to him. His big body, thick neck and thighs, the hair dusting his chest and lower. These two men could not be more different, but I want them so much, I practically quiver with desire.
The concept that I don’t have to choose, that they’re both mine and I’m both of theirs, hasn’t really sunk in yet. Maybe it will later. Maybe I’ll spend the next five years waiting for the other shoe to drop. Either possibility leaves me dizzy. It doesn’t matter. Tonight is a way of stating our intentions, and I won’t let my fear hold us all back.
I let the blanket fall as both men climb back onto the mattress. Part of me expects the three of us to fall on each other like starved creatures, but that isn’t what happens at all. Beast slides his hand through my hair to cup the back of my neck. Then he does the same to Gaeton. The slightest pressure urges my mouth to Gaeton’s and the feeling of Beast guiding this is just as intoxicating as Gaeton’s lips parting and his tongue sliding against mine. He tastes like home. I don’t think these men will ever not feel like home to me.