“I suppose I am not with child,” she said, noting his relief.
He gave a soft half-smile, sitting on the edge of the bed. “It’s for the best, right now. I want to have many beautiful boys and girls with you someday, but we’re not in the most comfortable circumstances at present for you to be in the family way. We’re jostling each day in wagons and sleeping in lumpy beds.”
“Oh, I see. Is that why we haven’t mated anymore?”
“Mated?” He flushed about his ears, something she noticed more now with his short hair. “Darling, if I’ve ever ‘mated’ with you, I’m sorry for it.”
“Is that not what we did that…that night on the ship?”
“I prefer to think of it as making love,” he said.
“Making love? What’s the difference between mating and making love? Is it merely mechanical, or—”
“Mechanical?” He blew out a breath. “I fear you’re not well informed about intimate matters. Did your mother never explain what to expect in marriage?”
The thought of her mama gave her a sudden stab of homesickness. “Well, no. Perhaps she was waiting until I was actually to be married.”
“That’s true. You ran away before she had a chance. I suppose it falls to me, then, to explain why mating and making love are not quite the same thing.”
Rosalind felt embarrassed and curious at once. She wanted to know about intimacy and lovemaking—and how it differed from animal mating—but it seemed an indelicate topic.
Somehow, Marlow wasn’t embarrassed at all. By the end of his talk, she understood a great deal more about male and female physiology, and what was really inferred by vague language like “lying down together” and “the marriage bed” or “the marital act.” He explained that making love was an emotional and sensual practice, more so than the mating of animals.
“I think I understand,” she said. “But I was wondering about a particular part of it.”
“Which part, darling?”
“The part when it built to that moment, when you were inside me and it really felt so…”
“Oh, that moment. Your satisfaction.”
“My satisfaction? Oh, yes. It was so, so…really so very satisfying. In fact, I’d never felt anything like that before. It felt rather like I was coming apart…down there.” She stole a look at him, hoping for more clarity on that specific matter, but he only gazed back with an amused expression and didn’t explain anything at all. “Perhaps that’s why I didn’t conceive a baby even though you put your seed in me,” she finished, feeling her cheeks color. “Because everything had been churned up into a muddle down there.”
“Churned up into a muddle?” He did finally laugh. “I wish I had some paper to write all this down.”
“Please don’t make fun of me, Marlow. I’m so ignorant in these matters.”
“Don’t apologize. You’ve made me feel the most triumphant lover. Churned up into a muddle, indeed. I’m flattered, though I must tell you a woman’s satisfaction has little to do with conceiving a child. Sometimes women conceive, sometimes they don’t, but it’s not connected to that, but rather if it’s the right time in a woman’s cycle.” He took in her confused look and rephrased. “You know how mares and bitches go into heat? No, forget I said that, it’s not like that either. But if you felt churned up, that’s a very fine thing.”
She frowned. “So there is no way to stop from having a baby if we wanted to save that for later, for after we returned home? For instance, by trying not to achieve that sort of…satisfaction?”
“It would please me greatly if you’d always strive for satisfaction. But to answer your question, no.”
“Oh. I see.” She tried not to sound disappointed. It was only that they were weeks away from England and after his talk, she was interested in exploring the topics they’d just discussed. All her sensitive places felt drawn to him, particularly now when he held her so close. The frank way he regarded her didn’t help.
He interrupted her musings in a soft, seductive tone. “Do you wish we could go to bed together now, the way we did that night?”
She could not meet his gaze. She was blushing intensely. “Well, it did feel rather wonderful.”
He considered a moment, looking past her into the distance. “There are ways to lessen the chance of conceiving a child. For instance, it’s unlikely to happen if a man pulls away before he finishes. Not impossible, but less likely.”
“How did you learn that?”
“I’m not as innocent as you, darling. I’m older and wiser. I’ve made it my business to learn things through the years so I could make you a good and satisfying husband once I married you.”
“But you’ve said many times that you are not good enough for me.”
“Hmm.” His playful expression turned sober. “There are things about me that make me a less than ideal husband. My penchant for doling out spankings, for instance. We talked about that.” He traced his fingertips along her arm. “But I’ll try to be a better man for you. We should not risk a pregnancy for you, not now. Allow me to be honorable, please. We’ll make love again when we’re nearer to London.”