I closed my eyes for a moment. My father’s last letter had sounded even more desperate, hinting at my mother’s depression and poor health, implying that it was my fault because of my lack of business skills. All my life I’d wanted to please him, get his approval. Instead, he’d been disappointed with everything about me.
“Listen, young man, let me lay this out for you. If you don’t do this, you’ll no longer have a job in publishing. I own this world now, and a few calls will ensure you won’t ever work again. And your father and mother will be ruined.”
My life would be over. The one I’d built over the last six years. Unless I married Lena. She would be the answer to all of my problems. I thought of my little sister. She’d not been able to find a match because of my father. This would change things for her, too.
“I need time to think,” I said at last.
“No time for that. The offer expires at midnight.”
I sighed and looked down at my hands. Left-handed, I had a permanent stain on my index and middle fingers from my ink pen. “I have a trip planned for Colorado. My friends live there. I go every summer. Can I have one last visit with them first? When I get back, we can marry.” Saying it out loud felt a little like jumping off a bridge.
“I’ll make the arrangements.” His lips smacked, as if he’d eaten something sweet. He’d gotten what he wanted. I had a feeling he almost always did.
Now, I put all that aside as I was ushered out to the backyard for tea. The day was cloudless and warm, without the humidity I’d left. A man could breathe here. I looked out over the rolling lawn, littered with the remnants of a croquet game. Surrounded by the lovely Barnes sisters and their mama and papa, I was a rich man.
“Here, darling, have another of Lizzie’s cookies,” Quinn said, thrusting the plate toward me. “Have you eaten since you saw us last? You’re much too thin.”
I smiled, pressing my hand against my chest before reaching for another of the sugar cookies. Having Quinn mother me while I was here made me feel like truly part of the clan. “I’ve missed Lizzie’s cooking, I’ll say that.”
“We’ve finally convinced her to put more sugar in the cookies,” Alexander said.
“And to call them cookies,” Fiona said. “When we were kids she called them biscuits, which confused us.”
“The problems of a mixed household,” Quinn said, eyes twinkling at her British-born husband.
“Toss our French twins in there and we’re even more complicated.” Fiona smiled as she lifted a teacup to her mouth. The cup and teapot were painted with pretty pink roses. They reminded me of the Barnes sisters.
“A big, wonderful mess of a family,” I said. “I’m glad to be here with all of you.”
“I have another Englishman to keep me company for a few months a year. I’d rather have you here all the time, but we’ll take what we can get.” Alexander clapped a hand on my shoulder. “It’s good to have you back.”
If only I could stay forever, I thought. Give up all my ambition and move here to Emerson Pass. Of everywhere I’d lived in my life, this was the place that felt like home. For a second, I let myself imagine what it would be like to move here. Alexander would find work for me—something to earn my keep. Maybe they’d help build a cottage as they had the others. And then what? I’d live alone forever? Would I become a bitter old man, alone and nearly penniless?You’d have a family, I reminded myself.
No, my fate was decided. I would marry Lena and save my family. I would still have the job I loved. I would immerse myself in the work, as I’d done for the last six years. Lately, it had seemed less and less gratifying.
Was my admiration for Lena enough? It was not the kind of love Fiona and Li shared. Or any of the other Barnes couples who seemed to have chosen solely on love without factoring in anything else. Love matches, my mother called them. My parents had been a love match, and what good had that done? Eventually, because of my father’s choices, they grew to despise each other. Couldn’t the opposite happen? Could I fall in love with Lena if I gave it enough time?
Fiona’s twins, James and Alexander, had now arrived with their nanny. Fiona stood from the table laid out for tea and held out her arms. They almost knocked her over with the enthusiasm of their hugs. “Darlings, look who’s here. Mr. West has come all the way from New York City.”
They turned to me with solemn eyes, sizing me up from the looks of it. More beautiful children I’m not sure I’d ever seen. A combination of Li’s Chinese ancestry and Fiona’s English one had created the most exquisite children, with large brown eyes and dark hair that shone under the afternoon sun.
“I don’t know who he is, Mama,” James said. “Am I supposed to?” His brow furrowed, as if trying to remember me but coming up empty.
“He’s the man you’re named after,” Fiona said.
“He is?” James seemed dubious but stuck out his hand anyway. “Pleased to meet you, sir.”
“Pleased to meet you.” I shook his small hand and gave him my best smile. He simply stared at me with suspicion. Clearly, he had no recollection of the fun we’d had the previous summer. I’d swum with them at the creek many days. They’d liked me to pretend I was a sea monster and chase them around the shallow parts of the creek.
“Come here, love.” Quinn gestured for James to come to her. “Have some tea.”
“May I have a cookie?” James asked his mother.
“Yes, but just one,” Fiona said.
“I’m named after my grandpoppy,” Alexander said to me, rather proudly. “See there.” He pointed to Alexander, who was now bringing James onto his lap for snuggles. As soon as he was settled, James bit into his cookie. Crumbs cascaded from the corners of his mouth onto Alexander’s linen suit. Grandpoppy seemed unconcerned. What a contrast Alexander was to my father. Neither he nor my mother would have ever taken a child onto their lap. Especially one who had a cookie dangling from their mouth.
“I know you were,” I said, returning my gaze to Alexander.