We talked over a few sections I thought could be expanded, fully immersed in our conversation until we realized Delphia was gathering up the girls to take them back to the house.
“Come on, rascals,” Delphia said. “Let’s go up to the house and get you cleaned up for your mother.” To us, she said, “Stay as long as you like, but stay in the shade.”
After they left, Addie relaxed enough to lie down with her head propped up on a towel. Again, those legs caught my attention, and I averted my gaze.Think of something else, I instructed myself. Instead of obeying, my gaze traveled the length of her. The curve of her hip was like a well-crafted vase. The sun kissing the skin of her shoulders made me wish I could do so myself. Well, so much for thinking of something else.
“What are you thinking about?” Addie rolled to her side and propped up her face with her hand.
“Nothing really.” I lay on my back and looked up at the sky. “Just about my childhood in comparison to the one you describe in your book.”
“What was it like?”
How could I describe the large, drafty estate? The endless days of rain. My little sister and her night terrors and nervousness that took all of my mother’s energy and attention. Father’s gambling problems. Fights so loud they rang out into the night when a house should be peaceful. Dwindling staff as the years went on until we were down to only a few. I’d escaped at eighteen to go to university and then on to Paris, where I’d met Fiona and Li. “I haven’t been back in a long time. Not since I was nineteen.” I’d gone for one last Christmas before I’d decided that the sadness stayed with me for weeks after I left. “When I think of it, I think of rain and cold, damp days. Yes, I remember the dampness and the scent of mildew on stone. And loneliness. My younger sister was troubled, so my mother was occupied with that.”
“Like I was?” Addie watched me with big eyes, clearly wishing to know every detail.
“No, not physically. She had a lot of fears. Terrible, debilitating anxiety. She couldn’t go to school or have friends. It was awful for her and my mother.”
“You never told me that before.” She sat up, pulling her legs under her. “What’s your sister’s name? You never talk about her.”
“She is younger by quite a bit. Elizabeth is her name. She’s called Beth.”
“How old is she?”
I had to think about it for a moment. “She’s your age. I was six when she was born.”
“I see.” She picked up a stick and traced it around the palm of one hand. “So you haven’t seen her since she was twelve.”
I laughed. “That’s some quick arithmetic. But yes, around then I think.”
“Is there a reason she can’t marry well and save the family?” Addie asked.
Cringing, I studied a wayward cloud moving slowly across the sky. “She’s not well enough to marry, I don’t think. My mother says she rarely leaves her room.”
She lowered her head. Damp strands of her hair stuck to her neck. “That’s very sad.”
“It was the last piece to seal my fate.” I turned just my head to look at her. “I’ll be able to help you with your book if I still have my job. At least there’s that.”
“I’d rather have you happy than have my book published.”
That jarred me. Was that true or just something a friend would say? Addie was a good person, but this was her dream. Would she really give it all away to ensure my happiness? The next thought shook me further. What if it were true that given the chance, she’d sacrifice that for me? And if that were true, what did that mean? Were her feelings for me that deep? That loving?
“Addie, I’d never ask you to do that,” I said softly. “But it’s nice of you to say.”
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
“I don’t know of anyone who’s that good,” I said. “To give up such a longing, a dream, for another person—that’s an act of great love. One that shouldn’t be wasted on me.”
“It’s not that I’m good.” She dug the stick into the palm of her hand. “It’s a selfish wish.”
“What do you mean?” I sat all the way up, watching her. What was she trying to say?
“I mean that I do not want you to marry Lena Masters and that if I could possibly do anything to change it so you didn’t have to, then I would.”
“Why don’t you want me to marry Lena?”
She lifted her gaze to meet mine. “Do you truly want to know?”
I gulped in a breath. Suddenly I knew. She had romantic feelings for me. I meant more to her than the best friend of her sister. She’d never alluded to such a thing. Not even an inkling. “I don’t know if I should—but I’d like to hear the truth.”