I release a silent breath, something loosening in my chest. So she had fought for me. I’d thought so—I didn’t believe Meg would offer to let me stay on without having some intention of following through on it—but hearing her state it in her dry tone makes me believe it.
It’s tempting to spill everything. To tell her about the threat Peter still represents and Hook’s plan to use me as bait to remove him once and for all. I open my mouth to do just that but stop before a single word escapes.
We’re not on opposite sides. Meg’s not on any side but Hades’s … which is the point. Sharing the dirty details with her means sharing them with Hades, and I’m not willing to do that. Not when he could use it against Hook. Hades deals in information, after all. He’s not technically supposed to meddle in leadership shit with the territories, but if he’s not caught, who would know the difference?
I clear my throat. “I’m doing okay. I chose this.”
Meg’s silent for so long, I check to see if the call got disconnected. Finally, she says, “If you change your mind, all you have to do is tell me. I’ll get you out.”
Shock has me rocking back on my heels. She says it as if it’s fact; if I ask her, she’ll get me out. End of story. It unsettles me the same way Aurora’s defense did. Neither of them hesitate to defend me, to offer me a way out. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that. “What about Hades?” I ask weakly.
“What about Hades? I have resources of my own, and you of all people know I’m not beholden to him beyond our relationship.”
In my opinion, that’s plenty beholden, but I don’t point out lots of people have committed atrocities because they fell in love with the wrong person. Even I’m not immune, though the only person hurt when I was with Peter was me.
I realize that Meg and Hades hardly have a relationship like Peter and I did. Hades is a cold bastard, but he sees Meg as a partner and has no intention of grinding away the things that make her her to ensure she never leaves him. I don’t really understand their relationship, but I know it’s nothing like mine and Peter’s.
Still, it’s a big deal for her to challenge him on something concerning a deal. It could potentially have consequences that would spin out through all of Carver City. I can’t shrug off the offer because it means something. I swallow past my suddenly tight throat. “Thank you.”
“If you’re not calling me to orchestrate an escape, why are you calling me?” Before I can register the sting of that, the reinforcement that my attempts to keep everyone at a distance for the last five years has more than paid off, Meg keeps going. “Did you want to grab a drink? Somewhere not in the Underworld?”
“Yes.” The word startles me as much as how much I actually want to do exactly that. I want to get drinks with Meg, and coffee with Aurora and Allecto. Or, hell, drinks with all three of them. I haven’t been gone very long, but I miss them in a way I’m not prepared for. I tried so hard to keep myself separate, but the more distance I get from the Underworld, the more I realize I didn’t actually do that good of a job with it. That knowledge should frustrate me, should be yet more evidence of my failings.
It doesn’t. I press my hand to my sternum. It feels good. Weirdly good. I glance at the elevator doors. “I have to take a raincheck, though, until we get a territory issue handled.”
“Another time, then.”
“I’ll hold you to it.” I clear my throat. “But the real reason I called was because I need a favor.”
“Whatever you need.” The fact she doesn’t put qualifiers on it staggers me. Everything about this conversation is staggering me.
Heavy emotions settle in my chest. Did I make a mistake trying to hold people at a distance? It seemed like the only choice available to me, the only one that would ensure I wouldn’t end up in a situation identical to the one I’d just escaped. I couldn’t trust my instincts because my instincts had said Peter was a good guy. His promises of a family that would love me without reservation—They weren’t worth the air he used to make them.
I never stopped to think that trying to stay separate meant perpetuating the damage he did to me. It seemed smart at the time, but now I have a tiny amount of distance, I feel almost sad at the missed opportunities to deepen my friendships with Meg, Aurora, and Allecto. I didn’t even realize I was friends with them until two days ago. “I really do want to get drinks. And I really, really appreciate the offer to get me out—and Aurora’s offer to go head to head with Hades over me.”