I had to let go. I knew that I needed to make decisions alongside her and not alone, or otherwise I’d always be stuck in this place of grief and despair. If I kept pushing Charlotte away one of these days she wouldn’t be waiting. She’d actually be gone forever and I knew I couldn’t cope with another loss that huge. We had to be strategic in our actions and not allow other people to meddle in our business. The decisions at the end of the day had to be ours but keeping in the forefront of our minds that someone was after my woman; well, that took number one priority. My mind knew it but my heart didn’t. If Charlotte seemed to believe that I deserved her love, then I just had to get my head to follow the process. It may take time but then again, life isn’t a rush. We would hopefully spend eternity together. I just hoped that Charlotte saw it from the same perspective.
“I’m sorry about jumping to conclusions,” Charlotte blurted out. “I shouldn’t have. It was completely insensitive of me. I just…”
“You were jealous. You thought that you were a rebound and a mistake.” I voiced out the words before I pulled away and saw the emotion displayed on her face. I needed to read her and see my words seep into her soul about how much she actually meant to me. “Charlotte, you could never be anything but perfection. A miracle. Can’t you see that?”
I watched the slight parting of her rose-bud lips and the shudder that traveled through her as she tried to keep her emotions in check. It was pointless though as a single tear rolled down her cheek.
“I just thought… I feel awful.”
“Don’t, kitten.” I smirked. “I was expecting you to run from me. For you to say that all my baggage wasn’t worth it alongside what you’re dealing with now. To be honest, I’m still expecting you to shout at Cass or for one of the guys to come in here and ask me to leave.”
“Never,” she butted in. Her hand caught the silver locket and she carefully took it from my grasp. “Wear it, don’t hide it. Keep it safe around your heart where it belongs.”
“I… I don’t know.”
“I do.” Charlotte unclasped the locket and placed the chain around my neck, allowing it to gracefully fall onto my t-shirt before lifting it and hiding it from the world, tucking it down against my warm skin and heart. “She’s always with you in your mind Xander, but now you can always hold her close too.”
“Thank you, kitten.” I leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss against her lips before I pulled back, knowing I had to discuss the reason why she was originally angry in the first place with me. It seemed to have been completely forgotten about since Lily had been brought into the picture to be discussed. “But that’s why your safety has to come first above the love I feel in my heart for you.”
“What do you mean?” Charlotte’s eyes widened at my sudden statement as she shuffled backwards, creating a slight edge of distance between the pair of us. “Xander, I won’t ask again!”
“Travis was right. Just hear me out first.” I spot the tears gathering in her eyes and I know what is going through her head without a single word passing between us. She thinks I want us to split up. She thinks I want to leave her but I don’t. I want to protect her and I know I can do that if only she listens to what I have to say without allowing any emotions to drag between us. I have to be logical and this is the only way to keep Charlotte out of the limelight and away from any more scandals that could occur if we continue in our quest to be together—for now. “I can’t separate my emotions from you knowing that you’re mine. If we do as Travis states, I’ll still be yours—always yours—but as a bodyguard until we can catch this motherfucker.” I reached for her hand, placing the photograph in her palm and covering it with mine. “Kitten, I want to experience every happy moment together like this with you but I don’t want there to be only a photograph to remain that shows our love and time together. I want you. I need to separate our two worlds and find whoever this person is before they can take you away from me, just like the guy that took my sister.”
“Xander,” Charlotte choked back, her tears freely falling as I let the first tear from my eye hit my cheek. “But…”
“I’ll be by your side every day. I’ll never be apart from you but I don’t want to be the cause of bringing a scandal to your door and giving yet more ammunition to your stalker. The full details about Lily are not hidden and the moment you’re seen with me in the public eye, people are going to question and dig into my past. It won’t take long for someone to discover something about the past and then it’s game over. I… I can’t be the reason…” I pulled Charlotte into my arms and held her close to me, allowing her tears to stain my t-shirt and her warmth to try and settle the pain that ricocheted inside of me. “Once this is all over, I can then live a life with you—together—if that’s what you’d like?”
“More than anything. I want you and need you Xander. I can’t do this without you,” Charlotte mumbled into the bunched-up, tear-stained shirt softly. “Promise me.”
“I promise. I’ll be here for you, always kitten.”
“Thank you, baby. Thank you,” she uttered as the pair of us just held each other close as we let the time pass us by.
* * *
Ididn’t realize how long Charlotte and I had talked for. When I saw a text from Barrett on my phone letting me know that he had to just sit through the biggest load of shit just so I could unload everything on Charlotte, I wanted to ask what Cass had tortured the guys with but stopped when I saw her peering at the words that were lit up on the screen.
“Top Gun,” she whispered as I chuckled out loud. “It’s a classic.”
“I won’t disagree with you there but I can’t believe you made them sit through that. Barrett and Memphis will never live this down. They can’t stand it. They say it’s not realistic enough.” I watched Charlotte sit up and turn around to straddle my body as I placed my hands around her back. “Charlotte…” I warned.
“It’s okay. It’s—” she uttered as Cass and the guys walked in.
“We just came to say have you made up but from this…” Cass waved her hand up and down at the sight of the pair of us straddled together. “I guess you have.”
I eased Charlotte off my thighs, willing my hard cock to deflate quickly at the sensation she’d created and let out a long deep breath.
“We need to keep business and pleasure separate like Travis suggested, at least until we catch whoever is threatening Charlotte. I… I have to be on top form,” I announced as the three of them looked between each other and I tried to avoid Charlotte’s gaze, knowing that I wasn’t the only one struggling with this predicament.
“Well, it looks like I’m moving in then, since you need a bodyguard on call at all times,” Cass announced. “I’ll let Barrett and Memphis out as I’m assuming you’re not leaving anytime soon.” I shook my head, scared at how well Cass could read me. I had to get better at hiding my thoughts. “We’ll see you in the morning. Charlotte, it’s time for bed. Xander, guest room. Now!”
ChapterFifteen
Charlotte
I’d never have guessed that the secret Xander had hidden from me was so heartfelt and detrimental to his soul. I couldn’t imagine the pain he’d experienced in losing someone so close to him and then to blame himself for it all until he admitted he wished it was him. An undeniable surge surrounded me and I couldn’t hold back telling Xander what I thought of his feelings. If he’d actually done that, I wouldn’t have him. I wouldn’t have this soul-defying connection with this heart-warming possessive man. I couldn’t allow him to believe that he wasn’t worthy of my love because he was. He was worthy of every pump my heart produced because the rhythm it produced only beat in sync with the man I wanted by my side. My true love. The one.
It hurt when Xander admitted that as lovers we had to wait until life settled and my stalker was caught but once he explained his reasoning, I understood why. I couldn’t stop the questions that ran through my head.How can you protect the woman you’re in a relationship with and still remain impartial? What man couldn’t see the risk he’s putting his woman in?No wonder Xander was scared and panicked. The reality was it was too high a risk. Otherwise, it just meant taking precautions when we were together and not acting on natural instinct but my body hadn’t caught up with my mind yet when I automatically straddled Xander’s lap. I was shocked when Xander put a halt to my moves but quickly realized I had to be strong and not break. He wasn’t rejecting me. He was rejecting the fight in his head to be the one in control. I knew I had to fight these cravings for him, no matter how hard it would be. I just didn’t expect Cass to join in and take a front seat to the show and declare that she’s moving in. I couldn’t decide if my best friend cockblocking me was a step too far or the best thing in the long run.