“Yes, please.”
She took advantage of the time it took him to pour her glass and carry it to the table to get herself back under control. They were never going to be able to move forward if she fell apart every damn time she had to talk about her past.
“Thanks.” She offered him a shaky smile when he handed her the glass. Taking a long sip, she tried to gather the courage to tell him.
Apparently, she was taking too long because Connor reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Let’s start with this. Did he hurt you? Brady, I mean.”
“Physically? No. At least, not in any way I didn’t enjoy,” she added with a blush. “But he… I don’t know how to explain it. It was like he wanted me to change everything about myself and I was so wrapped up in him, I let him. He had a very low tolerance for any kind of misbehavior and I constantly felt like I was a huge disappointment.”
“I’m sorry, jellybean. You deserved better.”
“I did.” It had taken months of sessions with the on-site therapist, but she’d eventually come around to accepting that who she was hadn’t been the problem. “I’m mostly over it, but I guess I still have some triggers.”
“The corner?”
She took another sip of courage. “It wasn’t the corner, exactly. When I was with Brady, and I’d been extra bad, he would ignore me. He’d lecture me, tell me I should know better and then he’d just pretend I didn’t exist. Half an hour, minimum. One time, nearly a week.”
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. Come here.” Giving her arm a gentle tug, he pulled her up and onto his lap. “What can I do differently next time? Do we need to put the corner on your hard limits list?”
“No.” Her still jittery nerves finally settled, knowing he cared enough to even ask. “But if you could just talk to me, maybe? Even if it’s just to tell me how bad I’ve been or whatever. Just don’t ignore me.”
“I can do that. But I want you to look at me.”
Wishing she could reach her wine from her spot on his lap, she reluctantly lifted her head. The tenderness in his eyes nearly unraveled her all over again.
“No matter what you do, you will never be bad. Naughty, bratty, sassy. Yeah, you’re all of those things sometimes. But never ever bad. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Now that we’ve settled that.” Using his fork, he cut off a piece of his lasagna and held it up to her lips. She opened her mouth and allowed him to feed her. “I have some more questions if you’re up for it.”
“Okay.”
“Are you a Little?” he asked before taking a bite of lasagna himself.
“I think so. I had one Daddy, before Brady. But my Little wasn’t little enough for him. He was so sweet, but he wanted more than I was ready to give.” She let him feed her another bite, chewing thoughtfully before she continued. “I think that was part of why I let Brady control me so completely. It seemed like I was never going to be enough for anybody, so why not just let Brady mold me into his perfect submissive? But even then, I was never good enough.”
“That is on them, not you, jellybean. And I want you to promise me you’ll tell me if I ever start to make you feel that way. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“With that said, I’m pretty flexible when it comes to the ages of my Littles. So whatever range you’re comfortable with, we can make it work.” The corners of his lips curved upward. “I’d really like for you to trust me to be your Daddy.”
She wanted to. Wanted it more than anything. But some wounds didn’t heal easily or cleanly, and she could feel familiar doubts creeping into her mind. “But what if I’m awful at it and it’s too much work to teach me? What if I can’t be what you want me to be? What if…” the last question stuck in her throat.
“What if I change my mind?” he asked quietly.
“Yes.”
“It’s a relationship, Hayleigh. There’s always a chance one or both of us will decide it isn’t right or isn’t working. I can’t promise you forever, not yet anyway. But I can promise to treat you well and to let you be yourself in our relationship.”
At its core, that was really all she could ask for. Someone who cared for her and accepted all the parts of her, good, bad, and ugly.
“What do you say, jellybean?” he prodded quietly. “Let me be your Daddy?”
This was it. Take a leap of faith and pray he’d catch her. Or walk away and spend the rest of her life wondering what might have been.
Drawing in a shaky breath, she met his warm gaze – and jumped. “Okay, Daddy.”