He holds my eyes for a few moments before breaking contact. “You actually look older to me now. I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t seen you in two months or if you changed while you were gone. But you look older to me.”
“Maybe it’s because you allowed yourself to think about what you would do to me, as you put it.”
“Jesus, Kenzi,” he whispers. “Don’t bring that up here. We’re surrounded by your family.”
“No one can hear us over the music. There’s not even anyone near us.”
“I don’t care. Just don’t talk about it here.”
Sighing, I turn my full attention to the band, my father’s voice like smooth velvet even sitting here in his back yard with no mic. I let my eyes shift over to Sailor, who smiles at me when he catches my eye.
And Tor sees it, too.
He leans closer to me, almost knocking his lawn chair over onto me. “What’s up with you and him?”
“Nothing, why?”
“He just smiled his little pretty boy smile at you.”
I laugh. “Really, Tor? You’re all growly over a smile? I just had to witness Chloe practically getting on her knees in front of you. How do you think that felt for me?”
“As you saw, I didn’t encourage her.”
“Thank you. That would have gutted me.”
“Where would Sailor fall in your marry/screw/kiss list?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On if you’re one of the options.”
“You’re so naughty, Kenzi.” He shakes his head and leans away.
“I refuse to consider Sailor in any way. Even for a game. You have my heart, and you know it. We can sit here and make a list of all the wrongs but it still won’t change how I feel, Tor.”
“Trust me, I know the feeling.”
The song ends and Tor stands up. “I’m going to do something special, just for you.” He says, and I watch with curiosity as he goes up to my dad, says a few words, then takes the guitar from Sailor, shooing him out of the gazebo like he’s a puppy.
My father is all smiles as Tor drags a stool closer to him and then begins to play one of their oldest songs that my parents and Tor wrote together when they were teens.
To the best of my knowledge, Tor hasn’t played in front of people since he left the band years ago. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t play alone because the guitar case in his closet never looks like it’s been moved. But the way he’s playing the guitar so fluidly and perfectly right now is like he never stopped.
Sailor has taken the chair beside me that Tor just vacated, which I’m sure is only going to further agitate Tor’s suspicion that Sailor might be interested in being more than friends, but I can’t ask him not to sit with me.
“Whoa,” Sailor says. “No one’s heard Toren Grace play in years.”
“I know,” I say, not taking my eyes off the man who owns my heart and is now recapturing a dream he gave up, just to give me a glimpse of himself that I never got to see.
“He was one of my inspirations when I was younger. Storm is great too, they just have very different playing styles.”
My dad’s brother Storm took Tor’s place in the band after he had to leave when his father passed away, and Sailor is right – Storm is very talented and the fans love him. He slipped into the band with ease without causing a disruption to their songs. I’m still a little perplexed and slightly disappointed that everyone in my family has amazing musical talents except me.
The next song they play is the song that put them on the map and launched the band’s popularity. It’s a ballad about losing your first love, and while I’m sure I’ve heard it at least a thousand times, this slimmed down acoustic version is raw and intimate, sending chills down my spine. I’ve always known Tor wrote this song, but before today I never wondered if there’s personal inspiration behind it. Now, it’s got me thinking. Other than Sydni, who has broken his heart? He didn’t start dating Sydni until my mother introduced them, which was after this song was written. Was there someone else along the way he’s never talked about? Or is it simply just a well-written, emotional song?
They play two more songs, and I’m practically hypnotized watching Tor play. I grew up watching musicians, quite a few were friends of my dad or other bands they toured with, but there is something erotic about watching a man you’re attracted to play the guitar. The sensual words he typed in our text messages are on repeat in my mind as I watch his fingers move over the strings, wondering how they would feel touching me. That day he kissed me on the couch was the first and only time he ever put his hands on my body in any kind of sexual way, but the memory of the possessive way he pulled me onto him and the burn of his hand on the flesh of my lower back makes my insides quiver.