I pull my pink t-shirt over my head and reach for my shoes. I suddenly just want to be alone. I’m not used to feeling jealousy at all and I hate that I am. I know in my heart that he would never lie to me, but I still can’t make the jealous stabs to my heart stop.
“So now you’re going to throw my age in my face?”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that you and you know it. I’m just pointing out that you don’t have any past relationships, and I do, and we can’t change that,” He pushes the sheets off the lower half of his body. “And why are you getting dressed? Are you leaving? We have another hour we could be together.”
“Yes. I just want to be alone for a little while.”
“Why? We had a great day and you’re going to let this wreck it? You’re acting stupid.”
“Well, thanks, Tor.”
He stands and comes around to where I’m sitting on the edge of the bed putting my shoes on. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know why you’re so upset. You know I love you and only want you. All that crap is in the past and it’s silly for you to even think about it.”
“How did my mom feel about you over the years? Did you guys ever talk about feelings for each other?”
“Never. We were strictly friends. We talked a lot, but never about anything inappropriate.”
I sigh and rub my forehead. “I’m sorry, Tor. I don’t know why this has me so upset, honestly, I don’t. I guess it was just unexpected, and finding out you wrote a song about it just sorta adds to it. Every time I hear that song now, I’m going to think about this.”
“I can’t change that. Why can’t you look at it as a good thing? If I hadn’t been with Ember that day who knows if your parents would have hooked up and had you? And then I wouldn’t have you now.”
My shoulders drop. “I don’t know. It makes me feel weird thinking about you crushing on my mother. It feels twisted to me.” I know I shouldn’t be this upset, and I think it might be because of the last thing I heard my mother say, the morning of the accident. I overhead her and my dad in the kitchen, and she said “Tor understands, why can’t you?” and my father replied “Oh, here we go again with Tor.” I have no idea what they were talking about, but now it’s got me wondering all sorts of things, like maybe she had feelings for him? Could that be possible? They weren’t fighting, because my parents never fought. They talked everything out. But she was definitely upset about something.
He puts his hands on my shoulders and forces me to look at him. “It’s not twisted. It was a stupid little crush that never amounted to a damn thing other than me walking her to a park. Everything feels like major drama at that age. I was jealous and pissed, sure. But that’s it. You are not any kind of replacement. I love you.”
“And I love you, too. I think I just want to be alone for the rest of the night to sort out my head. It’s late anyway. You know I have to go home.”
He runs his hand through his rumpled bed hair, his eyes darting from me to the bed like he can’t understand how a little while ago we were making love and now we are here.
“I can’t believe this is our first fight and it’s about something that happened when I was fifteen. Really, Kenzi?”
“It has nothing to do with age, Tor. It’s that it was my mother.”
He throws his arms up in exasperation and then rubs the back of his neck. “I can’t believe this.”
“I just don’t understand why you’ve never told me. You tell me everything. You always have. Why wouldn’t you tell me this? It’s like you were hiding it.”
“I wasn’t hiding anything. I have no reason to.”
Going to him, I wrap my arms gently around his waist. “I’m sorry, Tor. Just let me go home and cool off. We’ll be fine in the morning, I promise. I just need to work it out in my head. I think it just surprised me.”
His arms encircle me tightly, and I know it must be hurting his ribs for him to be hugging me so hard. “There was never anything between us, Angel. I’ve been totally honest with you, like I always have.” He lifts my chin with his finger and kisses me softly. “I would never lie to you, especially about your mom. I couldn’t disrespect her or you that way.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I’ll call you in the morning.”
Reluctantly, he loosens his hold on me. “Text me when you get home so I know you’re okay.”