“You could do some modeling, and some writing and your calligraphy. You don’t have to just do one thing. You can do lots of things. You can figure it out as you go, ya know. You don’t have to make a plan right now. That’s a lot to decide at your age.”
“I know. I just feel like I want a goal, something to shoot for. Otherwise I feel lost.”
“That makes sense.”
She pushes her hair out of her face. “Can I tell you what I really want?”
“Of course.”
She hesitates before she answers, her eyes cast down. “I want to get married, and have a family. I want to have a cute little house—not something big like Dad’s house. Something small and cozy, with a porch so I can watch the kids play in the yard with the dog.”
“A dog, too?” I tease.
“Of course. And I want to cook dinner and have a husband that comes home every night and sits at the table with me and the kids, and snuggles on the couch with me. I want that to be my future, Tor. I don’t want a ‘job’,” she puts her hands up and makes the quote sign. “I want to spend all my time loving my family. And I’d really like to keep volunteering at the pet shelter with your mom. That makes my heart happy.” She peeks up at me, trying to gauge what I’m thinking. “Is all of that dumb? Is it too fifties to want to get married and have kids?”
I laugh, but mostly to hide how she’s got me choked up. She just described exactly what Ember told me she wanted a few years ago one night when we were up late talking while Asher was asleep. She didn’t want the band life for either of them anymore. She wanted them both to be home, with Kenzi, and not on the road all the time being separated so much. She even wanted another baby, but mostly she just wanted them all to be happy and together.
Swallowing hard, I lean a little closer to her. “I don’t think it’s dumb at all, Angel. In fact, I think your mom is watching over you, helping you choose your direction.” I wait for her to pull away and shut me out, because that’s what she always does when we talk about Ember in the present tense. Kenzi can handle talking about her mother in the past, but not in the present or the future. This time she surprises me, her head snapping up, her eyes wide to meet mine.
“Really? You think she would want me to have that?”
“I definitely do.”
Her eyes glisten with tears as she smiles. “That makes me feel better. Chloe thinks it’s stupid and nobody wants to be a wife and mother anymore. At least not as their main goal in life.”
“Do me a favor. Stop listening to Chloe and listen to your heart.”
She throws her arms around me and hugs me. “You always make me feel better,” she whispers into my neck. “No matter what, you say the right thing every time.”
When she doesn’t let go, I put my arm around her and hug her back.
“I try,” I say softly, my fingers touching the ends of her silky hair. I’ve touched her hair many times, even brushed it and braided it when she was small, but I don’t remember it feeling so soft.
Her breath is warm against the side of my throat, and for a moment I think I feel her lips against me. “You always smell so good. I don’t want to let go,” she says wistfully.
I hold her tighter, because lately she says all the right things, too. There’s no way she could know that the innocent little comments she makes sometimes are everything I need to hear, but I hang on to the words anyway. Fuck it if they don’t mean what I need them to mean, or don’t come from the right person.
Four seconds. That’s what I give myself. And then I slowly pull away.
“Your turn,” she says, reminding me to throw my penny into the river and make my wish.
“It’s getting dark, we should go.” I move to jump off the rock but she grabs my arm.
“No, you have to make your wish first. Then we’ll go.”
Shaking my head, I toss my penny into the river. “Happy now? Let’s go.”
I jump off the rock and hold my hand out to her as she climbs down, then I grab the cooler and her backpack and throw it over my shoulder.
She brushes off the back of her jeans. “What did you wish for?”
“The same thing you did.”
“Direction?” she repeats as we walk down the trail. “What do you need direction for? You have the business and the rescue. You have your house and your bikes. Your life is together.”