“Okay, let’s all just calm down,” I say. “You know how uncomfortable she feels there, Ash. Why don’t you wait until after you talk to the doctors more, get some more info, and then we can decide if Kenzi should go. I’ll go, too,” I suggest. “Maybe hearing all of our voices together will help, maybe she’ll remember the old times.”
Asher nods. “That’s a good idea. I’ll definitely be getting more information and meeting with the specialists. Kenzi, you know I don’t want to upset you. I would never make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
Kenzi stands and crosses the room to give him a big hug. “I know, Dad. I’m sorry. I love you and I just miss Mom so much.”
“I do, too. That’s why I want to do whatever I can.”
I excuse myself and go into the bathroom to give them a few minutes alone. Once there, I stare at myself in the mirror and splash some cold water on my face. I want Ember to recover, and I know we all have to have hope and think positive, but I don’t want to see Asher and Kenzi get their hopes up only to have them shot to hell all over again. And I could never voice this to them, but what if Ember did wake up but was absolutely nothing like herself? What if she can’t speak, but instead moans and cries? What if she thrashes around and twists her body, instead of lying peacefully as she is now? They’ll never be able to cope with seeing her that way.
I leave the hall bathroom and check my bedroom real quick. It feels weird having Asher in my house, even though he’s been here more times than I can count. I’m worried something personal of Kenzi’s could be laying around in a place it never should be in. Like her panties tangled up in my bed sheets. Not that Asher would be in my bedroom, but still.
When I join them I’m glad to see they’re playing with the dog and the kitten and the mood is lighter and happier. Seeing them together in my living room playing with my pets only reminds me of how much I love them both and how I can’t even consider losing either one of them. I wish I could pull Kenzi into my arms and snuggle on the couch with her and have Asher join us for a movie and just be a happy family. We’ve done it a hundred times and now suddenly it’s all taboo and wrong.
When Asher tells us he’s going to head home, Kenzi tells him she’s going to stay for a while to finish watching our show and he hugs us both goodbye before he leaves, oblivious.
Betrayed.
I feel sick. Kenzi looks sick.
Somewhere in hell Satan has just pulled out a bag of marshmallows and is roasting them in my honor.
Kenzi looks at me with guilt, chewing her bottom lip after she closes my front door behind her father. “I’m sorry, Tor.”
“We’re going to have to tell him, Kenzi.”
“I know…after his mini tour though, please? He’s worked so hard on all the new songs. It’s not a long tour, a month, maybe? When he gets back from that we’ll sit down with him together and tell him. Or I’ll tell him alone, if that’s better.”
“No,” I snap. “We do it together.”
“Okay,” She fingers the necklace around her neck nervously. “I can’t even think about what he’s saying about my mom. Do you really think she’ll ever be better?”
Her green eyes plead at me, and I wish I could say yes. I want her to have both her parents back and have a normal, happy life. It’s all I’ve ever tried to give her—some normalcy and security.
“I honestly don’t know, Angel. Your mom’s accident, the trauma to her head, and the brain activity afterwards was unusual. The body and the brain are a fuckin’ mystery; no matter how much doctors and scientists study it, there are always things that stump them. And unfortunately, there are times that no matter what, they can’t make someone better. Like your dad said, all anyone can do is try. But, miracles do happen.”
“He thinks he can love her back to life, Tor. That’s what he believes.”
“Ya know what, Kenz? I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he could.”
She launches herself into my arms and kisses me like I’ve never been kissed before. It nearly knocks me over, and it has nothing to do with her throwing herself at me and everything to do with the depth of the love I can feel pouring out of her every breath.
I want to push her down on the floor and kiss her lips until they bruise and bleed. I want to punish her for wanting me when she shouldn’t, and thank her for wanting and loving me with so much of herself when I need it.