She nods over the rim of her mug. “I am.”
“I kinda need someone to talk to,” I say, shifting my attention to why I’m here and forgetting about her rent and furniture, which is really none of my business. “A woman’s point of view would be appreciated, I guess.”
She smiles and leans forward on the table, pushing her long dark hair behind her diamond studded ear. “Ooh, now this sounds good. Ask away.”
“How would you feel about being with a guy older than you?”
“How much older? Like eighty?”
I shake my head at her in frustration. Eighty! “No, like early thirties.”
“Do you mean to just fuck, or to actually date?”
“Jesus, Tess. To date.” The thought that my little sister would even consider just fucking and not dating makes my stomach turn.
“Is he hot?” She asks next.
I shrug and sip my coffee. “Yeah.”
“Rich?”
Shit. “Does that matter?”
“Well, yeah. To some. Nobody wants to date some loser with no ambition and no money.”
Kenzi wouldn’t care. She has her own money, anyway.
I lean back in the chair and meet her blue eyes. “Let’s say he’s not rich but he’s comfortable.”
She rests her chin on her palm and muddles this all around in her mind. “Yeah, I would. Older guys are better.”
“Why is that?”
“They’re more mature, usually. More experienced. Probably out of the playing-video-games-all-day phase, which is really fucking annoying. Older men give younger women a sense of security, I think. Like they can take care of us in every way. Physically, emotionally, financially. I think all women secretly want to be treated like spoiled little girls.”
I nod and stare down into my mug, wondering if Kenzi thinks of me that way. It wouldn’t be bad, because I want to take care of her, but I also want her to have fun with me and be able to enjoy her youth. I don’t want to force her to grow up.
“Why all the questions, Toren?”
“I’m curious. I met someone younger…”
Her ice blue eyes hone in on me like two bright beacons cutting through fog.
“Holy shit,” she breathes out slowly. “It finally happened.”
“What?”
“You and Kenzi Valentine. I knew it!” She smacks her palm down on the table triumphantly. “I always knew something was there between you two.”
“Tessie, don’t be crazy.” I scoff at her but fear snakes through me. I didn’t think she would figure me out so quickly. I thought I could just nonchalantly pick her brain to see if I could get some insight on how a younger girl would feel about dating an older guy. Now she’s got me cornered.
She tilts her head at me. “Seriously, Tor? Come on. Stop the bullshit. Obviously you need to talk so let’s just drop the charade, okay?”
It’s hard to admit, but she hit the nail right on the head. I do need someone to talk to before I lose my mind from keeping this all bottled up inside me. I know I can talk to Lukas, but the fact that he’s related to Kenzi and Asher still makes me nervous. I need to talk to someone who’s not personally invested in Kenzi.
“You have to promise that this stays between us, Tess.”
“Of course it will. You look like you’re about to have a mental break down. Your eyebrow is twitching. I knew something was up when you took off a few weeks ago. Were you with her? Is that why you went away for the weekend?”
“No, I was alone. But things were starting to happen and I needed to get away to think. Usually I talk to Asher about everything, ya know? But I can’t tell him I’m freakin’ in love with his kid.”
Her mouth falls open. “Wow. I never thought I’d actually hear you admit it.”
“What’s the point in lying to you? I love her. Like I want to marry her.”
“Whoa,” she puts her hand up. “Let’s back it up, cowboy. She’s eighteen.”
“I know. I don’t mean tomorrow, Tess. But someday, when she’s ready to make that commitment. That’s what I want.”
Her eyes are wide and glassy as she reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “My God, Tor. I knew you had a thing for each other, but marriage? That’s a huge step for her to even think about at her age. Asher will flip his fucking lid.”
“Why do you think I’m so fucked up?”
“And what about her? How does she feel?”
“She loves me, too. She wants the same things I want.”
“Yeah, today, maybe. But she’s eight-fucking-teen. Look how much I’ve changed in the past two years, Tor. Am I the same person I was when I was eighteen?” She raises her eyebrows at me.
“In some ways yes and others no.”
“Exactly.”
“So you don’t think it can last? You think she’ll just change? Want someone else?” I try to picture Kenzi with another man and I can’t. I can’t even force that scenario in my head. My mind goes blank. I can only see Kenzi with me, and I can only see myself with her.