I know he did.
“For what it’s worth, I think he’d be okay with you moving too.He’d understand.Truthfully, if the roles were reversed, I know he wouldn’t have been able to stay here without you either.”
The tears that had all dried up flare back to life.“You think so?”
I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time over this.I can’t change my mind now—the papers have been signed, and the new owners get the keys in two days.But somehow I need his reassurance about moving just as much as his reassurance that Robbie would be okay with us being together.
“Come on, we’ve only got a handful of boxes left.”
He steps back, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze before he turns around and walks out the door.I follow him, but at the threshold I turn back around to look at the room one more time.Once again, instead of an empty room, I can see clearly what it looked like filled with our furniture.Robbie lounging in bed reading a magazine while I read a book.Us playing cards on the bed one night.Our first night in the house when he made love to me.I see it all like images in a movie.Instead of feeling sad, a serenity envelops me like a warm familiar hug.
I close my eyes, picturing Robbie’s smiling face.“If you’re here, I love you.I will always love you.Please don’t be mad at me for doing what you asked.”
I open my eyes slowly, then close the door.It clicks shut, and the action feels like I closed the door on more than just the bedroom.
I closed the door on my life before—before Robbie died.
Now it’s time to live in the after.