She frowns.“What do you mean?”
My shoulders sag and I rub my eyes.“I can’t date him.”
“Why the hell not?”Now she sounds indignant, and I’m reminded that Tristan is her brother-in-law.Maybe I should’ve called Tamsin first, except Tamsin has even less dating experience than I do.
“Because what will people think?Robbie hasn’t even been gone that long, and it’s hisbest friend.”
“You’re really hung up on this best friend thing, and I don’t think you should be.Also, fuck what other people think.Patton Oswalt was remarried a year and a half after his wife died.”
“Who?”
“He voiced the rat inRatatouille.”
“How do you know this stuff?”
She shrugs.“I work in entertainment.Everybody talks.Gossip is a rampant disease in Hollywood.Anyway, my point is fuck what other people think and do what makes you happy.Does Tristan make you happy?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Uh-uh.No buts.Those buts are the expectations of other people.Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but how much of whatever excuses you’ve got going on in your head stem from what other people might think and less about what you want?”
I remain silent.
“That’s what I thought.If Tris makes you happy, then I say go for it.Life is too short to be miserable all the time.”She steps closer to me and grabs my hand, her voice dropping.“And Robbie wanted you to move on and be happy, Jo.If you’re worried about what he would think, I think he’d probably be thrilled his two favorite people in the world found happiness with each other.”
Tears fill my eyes but don’t fall.“Do you think so?”One of my many fears has been what Robbie would think.Would he see it as a betrayal?I mean, obviously if he were here, we wouldn’t be in this situation, but still.Her words are like a soothing balm on a stubborn wound that hasn’t quite healed.
“I still feel like I’m letting him down somehow.Like I should be single for the rest of my life.Or if I move on too quickly people will think I didn’t love Robbie.”The tears fall now because that idea breaks my heart.“But I did—I do.I love him so much.”
Becka wraps her arms around me and whispers in my ear.“I know you do.You can love Robbieandlove someone else.He wanted you to, Jo.Seeing you like this would break his heart.”
I know she’s right.Robbie was that kind of guy—the one who wanted the best for everyone, always, often putting other’s happiness before his own.
But can I let myself love two people?Could I let myself love Tristan?
The answer to that question makes my heart beat a little faster, but I don’t have the guts to voice it out loud.
Becka steps back.“Talk to Tristan.Take baby steps.He’s never really dated before either, so you two can be Bambis together.”
“Bambi?What is with you and kids’ movies lately?”
She swallows thickly and looks away.“Nothing.Some animation thing at work.”
She takes a step away, but I grab her arm, stopping her.“Becka?”
She finally makes eye contact, nibbling her lip.“Trent and I are trying for a baby.”
“Oh my God,” I exclaim, wrapping her in a big hug, my excitement making my body bounce.
She laughs.“Sorry, you were having a crisis, so I wasn’t going to say anything.”
I pull away.“Are you kidding?I’m so excited for you!This is exactly the news I needed to get out of my own head.”
I pull her into the kitchen and we start getting snacks ready while we wait for Tamsin to get out of class and come over.When she finally arrives, we quickly get situated in my living room—ignoring the half-packed boxes—our array of snacks barely fitting on my coffee table.I pull upCluelessand let it play in the background while we catch up.Becka fills Tamsin in on her exciting news and then throws me under the bus by telling her about my kiss with Tristan.
I mean, I would’ve told her eventually because these women are two of my closest friends, but I’m still processing what Becka and I talked about earlier.I don’t know if I’m ready for another voice to ease the one in my head.But my friends aren’t going to let me off easily.
“Was the kiss good?”Tamsin asks.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe I didn’t ask that!”Becka says.
I struggle to hide my blush as my mind wanders back to our toe-curling kiss.I’ve never been kissed that way in my entire life—never with that kind of heat or passion that made my whole body tingle.
But it’s not only the kiss that has the butterflies in my stomach going crazy.It’s the look in Tristan’s eyes when we pulled away—the awe, joy, and love.There was so much love there it was nearly breathtaking.
And also really fucking scary because what if I can’t love him that much in return?
What if I can only have one great love, and I already had it?