“Yes.”
He shakes his head like he’s in disbelief and sets his guitar aside, resting his elbows on his knees.“When?Where?How?”
I take a deep breath and speak as I let the air out.“Last night.My house.Fuck if I know.”
Then I start pacing because if I stand still any longer, I’m convinced my body is literally going to combust from all the emotion and anxiety.“She came over and she knew.Sheknew.I don’t know how she figured it out because I’ve always been careful, or at least I thought I had, but I guess not because she figured it out and she asked me how long and despite hiding this torch I’ve had for her for years, I confessed so fast it would make your head spin.I mean, I’d be the worst spy in the world or prisoner of war because I just gave her everything she wanted to know like it wasn’t the biggest secret I’ve held for the last ten plus years.”
Trent stands, his hands out like he’s approaching a bucking bronco and trying to settle it down.“I’m gonna need you to take a breath and give me a play-by-play of what exactly happened and what exactly she knows.”
“She knows I’m in love with her!”I shout, and I’m sure I look fucking crazy because I feel fucking crazy.I’ve never lost my cool like this before, and it’s only adding to my panic.
“She knows and we kissed and now she’s avoiding me and probably freaking the fuck out and I’m gonna lose her for good.”I step closer and grab his shirt.“I can’t lose her, Trent.I’d accepted being only her friend for the rest of my life.I could live with that.I can’t live without her in my life at all.I don’t know how to get us back to where she’s comfortable.I need to fix this.”
“Okay, okay.Take a fucking breath!”he says, mirroring my pose and grabbing my shirt.He takes a deep breath and gives me a look like he wants me to copy what he’s doing, so I do.We stand there, taking deep breaths until all the panic starts to fade, and I’m actually taking breaths that fill my lungs instead of the shallow breaths I was taking before.
“Alright.You kissed Jo.”
I nod, afraid if I speak again, it’ll be another round of verbal diarrhea.
“Did she kiss you back?”
I nod.
His eyebrows rise, but he doesn’t make a comment.“What do you want to happen?”
“What do you mean?”I just told him I can’t lose her.
“Do you want to date her?”he asks cautiously.
“I can’t date her.”Is he fucking crazy?She’s Robbie’s wife.And did he miss the part where she’s avoiding me?
“Why not?”
I open my mouth to speak, but he holds up his hand to stop me.“Being Robbie’s wife isn’t a reason anymore.”He says the words softly, which takes the sting out of the loss, but it still burns knowing I’m only in this situation because my best friend is gone.
“Tris, what do you want to happen with her?”
I stare at him, that question circling my head until those are the only words in my mind, but I don’t have a chance to answer because Miles and Kasen walk in, and I’m definitely not ready to broadcast this strange new reality I’ve found myself in.
“Alright, so what’s the deal with the tour, because while I’m itching to get back in front of our fans, I’m not exactly stoked about the idea of leaving Tamsin for six months,” Miles says.
Trent squeezes my shoulder and then shifts focus from our conversation to the whole reason we’ve been called here.“I’ve told you she’s more than welcome to come.She helped a ton with the media after Robbie’s death.”
“She’s got classes, and she just landed an internship with a PR firm.I’m not pulling her away from that opportunity.So the sooner we can get out there and get back, the happier I’ll be.”
Trent nods, likely in understanding since I know Becka can’t take six months off work either—nor would Trent ever ask her to—and he’ll likely be just as eager to get home to her.
“We’re releasing another single in two weeks.The label is doing a heavy marketing campaign to get everyone excited about it and get our names and faces back in front of our audience after our hiatus.They want to use the momentum of the sold-out tour to get us more album sales.”
“Almost seven months until we’re on the road again.And six months for the tour?”Kasen clarifies, looking nervous.My immediate concern is his sobriety, but my head is too much of a mess to discuss it now.We’ll have his back.He’s come a long way; we’re not going to let him fail now.
Trent nods.“We’ll be meeting with the new tour manager Decker’s hooking us up with in a few weeks.She’s supposed to be top-notch, and she knows about our situation.Decker feels confident she’s just what we need.”
We all sit there silently nodding, but none of us address the heaviness in the room.It’s the first tour without Robbie—ever.And his absence is already being felt.
Trent clears his throat.“I know this one’s going to be hard on all of us, but our fans need us.And Robbie would want us to do this.He loved this album as much if not more than the rest of us.We need to put the music out there.And I think we should dedicate the tour to Robbie.”
We all voice our immediate agreement.
Trent claps his hands together once.“Okay, so I think we need to reinstate band practice three or four times a week to prepare for tour.As it gets closer, we’ll bump up the practice days, but I want us to work our way into it.We need to be at our best for this one.For Robbie.”
“For Robbie,” we all say in unison.