Robbie or not, I’m not her choice, and I need to accept that.
Trent gestures with a nod for me to follow him into the house, and we leave Becka to continue comforting Jo on the patio.
As soon as the door closes behind us, Trent starts, “Tris—”
I raise my hand.“You don’t need to say anything.I already know what you’re going to say anyway.You’re like a goddamn broken record.”
I walk to the kitchen sink, placing my half-empty beer down and then bracing my hands on the counter while I look out the window above the sink at the only woman I’ve ever loved.
“I know I need to let her go,” I whisper, the words coming out like they’re shards of broken glass sliding up my throat.“I just don’t know how.”
Trent moves to stand next to me, both of us staring at the women we love.The only difference is his woman loves him back.
“I think you should give dating an honest try.You’ve never really done that before.You’ve hooked up with women, but it’s not the same and you know it.”
“What, you want me to go out with that Julie chick again?”
He shakes his head.“I don’t know what I was thinking with that.You’d probably end up calling her Jolie in the middle of climax.”
“Dude, no.Just no.”
The truth is I’ve never let myself picture Jo when I was with another woman—it felt disrespectful to both of them.I’ve only ever thought about her when I was alone.It was the only time I let my guard down enough, knowing no one else would know.
Some days I think it’s a goddamn miracle Trent’s the only one in the band who’s figured it out.
“Okay, but seriously, you should give dating a try—a real one.”
The idea of going on a date feels like giving up.Giving up on what, I’m not entirely sure since Jo’s never been mine.
Can you give up someone who never belonged to you?
Gripping the back of my neck, I turn to my brother.“I would need your help.I’ve never been on a real date.I’m not sure I’d have any idea what the hell to do.”
His eyes soften, not in a pitying way—thank God—but in a way only a big brother looking out for his little brother can.“We’ll figure it out.We have to find you a girl first.”
“Right,” I say, my gaze being pulled like a magnet back to Jo.
And that unsettled feeling hits me again, joining the defeat, because even if I can’t give up someone I never had, it still feels a whole lot like I’m giving up on myself.
Giving up on the fantasy that someday she might choose me.That I’m worthy of her love.
But the thing about fantasy is it’s not real, and if Jolie is finally moving on, then maybe it’s time I follow her lead and move on from her.