12
“We’re going to go ahead and release the album next week.Decker and I have been working with the label.”
Miles, Kasen, and I stare at Trent as we sit in his living room, opting not to be alone today—the first anniversary of Robbie’s passing—of all days.But based on the expressions on Miles’s and Kasen’s faces, I’m assuming they’re as surprised by this news as I am.
Not for the first time I wish I’d had the guts to be with Jolie today.I know she’s likely taking it hard, but I didn’t want to insert myself into her day if she needed to be alone.I figured she’d ask me to come over if she wanted me there.
But she didn’t.
So now I have to deal with band bullshit that I have zero interest in discussing today.Not when I feel like all my nerve endings are raw and I’m missing my best friend with every breath I breathe—not to mention the niggle of worry in the back of my mind that Jolie might need me and I’m not there.
“How long before the label starts tour talk?”Miles asks.
Trent winces.“They already have.They want us to do a six-month tour with the potential to add some dates extending it out to eight.”
“When?”I ask.
Trent hesitates, and I know it’s not what I’m going to want to hear.“Nine months.They pushed for six, but I told them we needed more time to get ready for it.”He grips the back of his neck and then leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees.“Listen, I had to make an executive decision.The label wanted to get the ball rolling, and we need a tour manager to deal with all the tour bullshit, so I did what I needed to do to make sure we didn’t lose all the momentum we’ve built over the past six years.We don’t have the luxury of slowing down right now.We’ve already taken a longer reprieve than we should have.”
“Do we have to do this today?”I ask, staring daggers at my brother.He couldn’t save this shit for tomorrow?Or yesterday?He had to do ittoday?On the anniversary of Robbie’s death?
He glowers back at me.“You think I like being in this situation?You think I like dealing with this shit?I miss him too.You’re not the only one who loved him.”
“He was my best fucking friend,” I say.
Trent stands.“He was our fucking brother!”He gestures around the room, and I know he’s right.We’re all hurting, but I can’t deal with this today.
“Who’s our tour manager?”Kasen asks, his soft voice breaking the silence that had descended on the room.
Trent runs his hands through his hair and sits back down.“Uh, last name is Fletcher or something.I’ve got it written down somewhere.Came highly recommended by Decker, and I wasn’t in a position to turn down his help.”
He heaves out a sigh, and his voice is hoarse when he speaks.“I’m drowning without Robbie.I know you all rely on me to be the papa bear, but Robbie did…” He stops speaking as he gets choked up.We all sit in silence until he can continue.Clearing his throat, he says, “Robbie did fucking everything.We need help, and I think someone outside the band will be a good idea.We need someone who can hold it together when we can’t.”
We let that sink in, all of us lost in our own thoughts, but it still feels like a betrayal to try to replace someone who was completely irreplaceable.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and when I see it’s Jolie calling me, I get up and walk out of the room, not bothering to tell them where I’m going or why.
As soon as I’m on the terrace, I answer.“Jo?”
“Tristan.”Her voice breaks and she breaks my heart right along with it.Fuck.I knew I should’ve been there with her today.I immediately dig my keys out of my pocket and change my route.
“Can you come over?”she asks, sniffling, but sounding more composed.
Already walking to my car, I tell her, “I’ll be there in twenty.”
I break several speeding laws and end up making it there in fifteen minutes.I park in front and then run to the door, but it opens before I ever have a chance to knock.
If I thought her voice wrecked me, it’s nothing compared to the devastation on her face.Her lips quiver and then her face crumples, and her body sways like she can’t hold herself up.Taking a step toward her, I open my arms and she sags into them, her body fitting perfectly against mine.I hold her close and ignore the guilt that comes with embracing her like this.
We’ve hugged here and there over the years, but these longer embraces feel different.They’re the moments I almost convince myself she could be mine, even if I know that ship sailed over a decade ago.
“I’ve got you,” I whisper against her hair, wishing she knew how much she had me.How she’s always had me.
She wraps her arms around my waist, and I close my eyes, soaking in every moment.She mumbles something against my chest I can’t quite make out.
“What?”I ask her softly.
She pulls back and looks up at me, pure devastation all over her beautiful, freckled face.But there’s something else in her eyes too—anger.