Apparently, having ateammeant they all had to have access to my dressing room.Imagine that.
As I sat on a stool, my eyes closed while my personal makeup artist prettified me. I swallowed hard. I’d thought I’d be nervous before my own concerts, but I hadn’t known it was possible to be as nervous as I was right now.
There were hundreds of people out there, waiting for me even though they didn’t know it. Close on a thousand people actually.That’s a lot of people who are going to hate me if this doesn’t go well.
My agent—because I had one of those now—had followed my instructions to a tee. I’d wanted this to be my first performance, and she’d delivered, but I still wondered if maybe it had been a mistake.Maybe I should just leave. It’s not too late yet.
Even as I thought it, though, I knew I wouldn’t follow through. I wasn’t leaving here until after my performance. Regardless of whatever else might happen tonight, I was singing the damn song I’d come here to sing.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves as I slowly released it. For so many years now, I’d been dreaming about my own show, and now that it was here, it felt surreal. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.
In fact, I couldn’t believe any of it was actually happening. The time since I’d arrived home from Hawaii had been an absolute whirlwind. My career had taken off more and faster than I’d ever believed possible.
The very next day after we’d gotten back, I’d gotten myself into a recording studio that Leah had suggested. I’d needed a distraction from the devastating heartbreak, and since I’d already decided to turn it into something positive, I’d not only written songs about it, but I really had poured all my emotions into the song when I sang it that day.
The result had been magnificent, even if I had to say so myself. My voice had had this raw edge to it and it worked so well with the song I’d written, I’d almost started crying when I’d heard it being played back to me. Because it had just been that perfect. I’d been waiting for years to get exactly that track, and I’d been damn proud of myself for not only getting it right on my first day in a recording studio, but also for pushing through the pain of singing it.
After producing that first single, I’d gotten picked up by an agent almost right away. And I’d signed on with a producer. Everything had fallen into place so fast that I’d barely had time to blink, never mind to think, and yet, Bart was always on my mind.
It was his money that’d gotten me off the ground. A song he’d inspired that’d moved all the right people when they’d heard it. His faith in me that’d kept me going when I’d come so close to giving up.Okay, and the heartbreak he caused that made me sing that song like some dark, fallen angel.
But still. Heartbreak or not, I knew I wouldn’t have been here if it hadn’t been for him. I owed him everything, and that was why I’d wanted this to be my first performance.
The song that had put me on the map was the same one I’d sung for him in Hawaii, though I’d finetuned it quite a lot since then. Although I’d hoped that day that he’d realize it was for him, I wasn’t planning on taking any chances tonight. I was going to come right out and say it.
A fresh wave of panic gripped me at the thought. I’d been planning all of this for weeks now, but I was so nervous that I felt like I might be sick.
“Are you okay?” Leah asked. “I think you just turned a little bit green.”
“I’m just nervous,” I admitted. “It’s nothing to be worried about, but you may want to stand back a little. Your voice sounds close enough that you’re probably in the splash zone if all the water I’ve been drinking suddenly comes back up.”
She laughed. “You’re going to be fine, Serenity. The show is going to be great, and everything else, well, at least you’ll know you had the courage to do it. That’s what matters. You’re brave, you’re beautiful, and you have a killer song to sing, so get out there when the time comes and own it.”
“Thanks for the pep talk,” I murmured. “Why are you still standing so close to me, though? Seriously, you’re in the splash zone.”
Comforting hands landed on my shoulders, massaging as the newly familiar voice of my assistant spoke into my ear. “You’re going to be fine. Like Leah said, you’re brave, you’re beautiful, and you have a killer song. This is literally what you’ve been preparing for your whole life. You can do this.”
I sighed. “I still can’t even believe that I have an assistant, Nina, and now you want me to go out there and sing? I feel like a complete fraud.”
“You’re no fraud, darling,” Valerie, my agent, piped up. “I wouldn’t be representing you if you were, so stop thinking like that. Personally, I still think it was a risk to do this for your first show, but all it’s done is prove to me that you’ve got ovaries of steel. If anyone can get through their first big public performance without vomiting backstage, it’s you.”
The makeup artist touched my chin. “Okay, honey. You can open your eyes now. I’m all done.”
When I did what she’d said, she was holding a mirror up in front of me and I couldn’t believe it was me I was looking at. I still looked like me, but like a supermodel version of myself.
“Wow,” I breathed. “Thank you, Adena. You’re amazing.”
She smiled, not moving the mirror as she peered at me around it. “Look at the girl in that mirror. She’s gorgeous and she’s fierce. I have no idea what else you guys are talking about, but as far as your performance goes, you’re going to knock it out of the park.”
I breathed in through my nostrils, letting all their assurances flow into me. The nausea subsided a little, and I glanced at the little Egyptian guitar sitting ready on its stand in the corner. Bringing it instead of the fancy new one my producer had given me had been another risk, but that little guitar and I had come a long way together. It comforted me, and I wanted it to be in my hands when I took the stage for the first time as an artist who had a song out.
Leah gave me a stern look. “She’s right, you know. You are going to knock it out of the park. It’s okay to be nervous. This is a big deal, but you’re going to get through it.”
“I’m going to get through it,” I repeated after her, then stood up when Heidi, who was the designer responsible for dressing me, walked into the room carrying a garment bag on a hanger. “I can’t wait to see what you’ve come up with.”
She grinned. “Well, I was thinking that I should put you in a romantic ballgown, but then I remembered we were at an e-sports tournament. You’re really breaking the mold with this as your first performance, honey. An epic love song being sung by the newest star on the scene at a huge e-sporting event. I’m married, but I’m in love with you for this, I swear.”
“Right?” Valerie said, laughing as she smoothed out her pencil skirt and stood up. “I told you I found you someone special to work with. Plus, she’s not a diva, so you won’t have to deal with any drama tonight.”