“Why not?”
“Having all the money in the world doesn’t give a person a sense of purpose or love. A lot of people would kill for what we have, and it’s not that I’m ungrateful at all. It’s just not easy to suddenly know you’ve never got to work again but still be as young as we are. We can’t spend the rest of our lives sitting on our butts or writing checks, to quote Tanner.”
“As someone who’s got the complete opposite problem, I can understand that it must be challenging to figure it out, but at least you’ve got options.”
“What, sit on my butt or write checks until the end of time?” he joked, and I shrugged in response.
“You could keep traveling, or you could get involved with every charity that supports a cause you believe in. I suppose you could also do motivational speaking or write a book on making money.”
“Traveling indefinitely doesn’t appeal to me,” he said lightly. “Part of the magic is in coming home to plan the next trip or to dream up where I’d like to go. I don’t ever want to get bored on the road or start taking it for granted. As for getting involved with every charity that supports a cause I believe in, I’m partial to giving that a try. I’ve always wanted to get more involved, and this is my chance, but at the same time, I can’t keep bleeding money and I know myself. The more acquainted I get with any cause that desperately needs help, the more I’ll give.”
“Your financial person should be able to help with that,” I guessed. “If they invest smartly, you should never run out of money.”
“In theory, yes. Investments can easily go the wrong way, though. I’m not saying that I won’t get involved in anything. In fact, I definitely will, but I need to pace myself. I’ve also got to find a way to still have a reason to wake up in the morning, you know?”
I tried to put myself in his shoes as I stared at the fluffy clouds and the sun starting to dip on the horizon in the distance. If I made it big now and for some reason I couldn’t sing anymore, I didn’t know what I would do. That was where he was now. It was unimaginable to me.
“What about a family?” I ventured to the territory I’d been edging toward anyway. “Do you still want one of those?”
“More than anything,” he said after a brief pause. “Unfortunately, that’s a little ways off for me. For starters, I need a woman who’d be willing to marry me or at least make a couple of babies with me.”
Part of my heart soared with relief while the other turned to ice. “I’m sure there are plenty of woman who’d be willing to marry you and even more who’d just want to make a few babies with you.”
I was definitely in Camp Marry, but I couldn’t exactly say it quite that bluntly and I refused to even try to think about him meeting someone else that would like to marry him right now. The same went for trying to think about all those women who’d love to have his babies. I wanted to be the woman he married and the one he made babies with, and yet, I couldn’t say that either.
Just the thought that he might think I’d expect to be paid for it repulsed me, but since he was paying for everything else, it was reasonable that he’d assume I was offering for the sake of a big payday.
My heart clenched in discomfort. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t want to be paid to spend time with him or to travel with him, but I couldn’t. I closed my eyes for a long moment, breathing in deeply as we soared through the darkening sky.
The air was getting chillier now, and a shiver passed through me when I noticed it. Bart stepped closer to me, enveloping me in his warmth and draping his jacket over my shoulders.
“Better?” he asked, using his hand not holding his glass to rub my arm. “It’s getting damn cold. I think we’ll start descending soon, though.”
His words weren’t even cold yet when Ted called out that we’d be doing just that in ten more minutes.
No! Not yet. It’s too soon.
As I breathed in, I caught a hint of Bart’s clean scent from his jacket and a pang of sorrow made my heart ache. I so wished this was a real date between us. He was talking again, telling me about the housing projects Jeremiah and Tanner were busy with. Shawn had told me about them too, so I only had to listen with half an ear while trying to remind myself over and over that just because I couldn’t pursue Bart now didn’t mean I never would.
Our ride ended too soon, and as I felt the basket starting its descent, I suddenly decided to tell him I didn’t want the money. All I wanted was to be with him.
I spun in the circle of his arms, my mouth already opening to say the words as I met his bright green eyes. The words faltered on my tongue as I looked into those eyes, though.
Bart had reached his goals. That was why he could stand so tall and why he had such effortless confidence about him. He’d gotten to where he wanted to go. Chances were, he wouldn’t want a woman who couldn’t stick to her own path in life.
Maybe that was even why he was so worried about me that he offered to help.
“What’s up?” he asked, gaze moving slowly from one of my eyes to the other as a slight crease appeared between his brows. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, but I’ve actually changed my mind about skydiving,” I said, losing my nerve to tell him the truth at the very last moment. “I’m really enjoying being so high up in the balloon and it might be fun to do something else to help me conquer that bit of fear I’ve always had for heights.”
He grinned. “Are you sure? I was surprised that you even wanted to ride in a hot-air balloon. How would you feel if you had to jump out of here now?”
My stomach swooped, but I’d made this bed. I had to lie down in it now. “If I had a parachute and I knew what I was doing, I think I’d have done it.”
His eyebrows hiked up, his grin widening as he nodded. “Okay, I’ll plan something for us soon. I promise. I really didn’t think that was what you were going to say when you turned around, but I’m glad it was that and not ‘pass me another sandwich’ because I just ate the last one. Plus, I’ve always wanted to go skydiving. It’ll just be so much more fun to do it with you.”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I guess I’m going skydiving soon. Fuck.