Since I now had the most beautiful views in the world playing out behind my eyelids when I closed my eyes, the view from my living room was no longer as stifling as it had been before the trip. There had been times before I’d gone when this room had made me feel like I couldn’t breathe but now all I had to do was close my eyes and imagine I was filling my lungs with the fresh, crisp Icelandic air, andvoila. I’d be transported back to a place that was more inspiring than anywhere else.
And the tea, well, it’s afternoon anyway. Time to switch to water.It cost too much money to keep boiling water all day long.
As I opened my eyes again, I glanced down at my handwriting on the page open on my knee. I’d gotten stuck on the next line of the song, which was why I’d switched my attention to the music, but as I thought back to the feeling I’d gotten when we’d seen the Northern Lights, the lyrics suddenly started flowing again.
They’d been majestic, swirling rivers of light. Greenish blue dancers in the sky that moved unpredictably, sometimes barely there and the next moment so vivid that it was almost like I could reach out and wrap them around me like magical lengths of cloth descending to earth from the heavens above.
So absorbed in the song that I almost didn’t hear it when my phone chimed with an incoming text, I cursed the buzzing reminder a few seconds later that it was there. Sighing as I blinked myself out of the trancelike state I often fell into while writing, I grabbed the device and seriously considered just shutting it down for now.
Then I saw the name of the person who’d texted me, and my brows shot up right along with my pulse.Bart?
Curious since I hadn’t expected to hear from him until our next trip in a couple of weeks, I scrapped the idea of leaving the text unread and going back to my writing. I tapped on the message to open it instead.
Bart Philips: Hey, you! How’ve you been? How’s work going? If you ask me, being home is overrated. We could’ve been sitting in the hot springs right now :-( Sorry if I’m interrupting. Won’t take much of your time. Just wanted to know if I can pick you up tomorrow?
Surprise rolled through me, followed closely by excitement. Since I knew he had some meetings relating to his finances while we were in town, I’d thought he’d be too busy to see me again until it was time for us to leave. It was definitely a pleasant surprise that he wanted to get together, though.
Although we’d only spent a few days together, I’d started getting used to seeing him every day again and I’d been missing him since we’d gone our separate ways when he’d dropped me off at my apartment.
Me: Hi. Work is better. Inspiration abounds thanks to our adventure. Sure. What for and what time?
Bart Philips: 3pm. Bring a jacket, and it’s a surprise. My lips are sealed, so don’t ask. I know you won’t, but I thought I should just say so anyway. Happy writing today. Hope you’re churning out chart-toppers with all that inspiration.
I laughed softly, shaking my head as I took his advice not to ask. Unlike most people, I loved surprises. Especially when the most touching part of the surprise was that he seemed to remember that about me.
Me: Okay, then. 3pm. I’ll remember a jacket. Good luck with whatever you’re doing. Thanks. Fingers crossed about those chart-toppers.
As I powered off my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to keep checking it for more messages from him while I was supposed to be working, I smiled widely. Joy blossomed in my chest and I didn’t even know what we’d be doing yet.
The fact was that it didn’t matter to me. We could just be going for a drive or a coffee, and I’d still be happy to get to spend some time with him. Even though I knew I couldn’t pursue anything with him romantically right now, seeing him would be good for my soul.
Bart affected me like no one else ever had. It had been true when I’d been a teenager, but I hadn’t realized the significance of a connection like that with another person until now. Having found something like that at such a young age, I truly hadn’t known how rare it was or how special that person would always be to me.
Above all else, Bart justgotme. Even now, after all those years apart, he understood things I didn’t even have to say out loud. He knew me in a way no one else did regardless of how much time had passed since we’d last seen each other.
Although he hadn’t told me so, I had a feeling it was the same for him. We clicked, and because of that, I owed it to both of us to fess up to how I felt about him again. Just as soon as the payment part of the problem was out of the way.
The other stuff, we could figure out. Him paying me to be with him, not so much. That was the one line I didn’t know if I could cross. Despite how much I desperately wanted to.
CHAPTER17
BART
Driving my own car this time, I stopped at a coffee shop on my way to pick up Serenity so I could get us both some drinks. My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing. I’d also changed my fucking shirt three times before heading out.
It was ridiculous that I was so nervous, feeling like I was about to go on my first date when it wasn’t really a date at all.I’m paying her for this shit, for God’s sake.
I really just wished she’d have taken the money at the outset so that it wouldn’t be hanging between us all the damn time. If I could’ve just given it to her to record her album, all this would’ve been so much easier. I’d have known she was traveling with me, or coming out with me today, just because she wanted to instead of feeling like she had to, and she would’ve known I’d asked her to come because I wanted her to be there.
But now, it was all fucked up. Neither of us really knew where we stood with the other, and after the amazing time we’d had together in Iceland, it was really difficult to know if she was only in it for the money or if she was enjoying spending time with me again as much as I was enjoying it with her.
Also, it would be lying to myself if I tried to pretend that today wasn’t all about her. It had nothing to do with my dad or the bucket list. It was something she wanted to do, and I wanted to take her to do it. As simple as that. Or in our case, as complicated as that.
Fuck. I breathed out heavily. Things had always been so easy with her, and they still were when the money wasn’t an issue, but now that I was essentially paying her to do stuff with me, the lines were so fucking blurred that I didn’t even know which way was up anymore.
All I knew was that I was really looking forward to spending time with her again, and even though I’d planned on keeping my distance for precisely that reason, I hadn’t been able to help myself. I couldn’t even say this had just come across my path and made me think of her. I’d actively looked it up and booked it just to have an excuse to see her.
Really fucking ridiculous.Either way, it was booked and paid for, the arrangements had been made, and she was waiting for me to pick her up. It was too late to reject the idea based on how ridiculous it was.