“OK baby. I’m calm. Explain.”
“Polycystic ovarian syndrome is a disorder of the endocrine system that affects about one in ten women. Enlarged ovaries is only one of the telltale signs, hence the name. It also causes other issues like irregular menstruation, excessive sweating, acne, insulin resistance, as well as high androgens. Just to name a few. The biggest issue it can cause is infertility due to the irregular and sometimes non-existent periods.”
By the time I get to that part of the explanation, I am back to being a wreck. I have never in my life felt as much of a failure as I do now. No one will ever understand the gut-wrenching pain throughout my body, while knowing that I can’t perform the basic function of a woman. Giving new life. I can’t give him the one thing I was built for. A child. A family. A part of the two of us.
What’s the point then? To any of this? He wraps his arms around me and rocks me back and forth. He is telling me how much he loves me. How much he will be there for me and saying it doesn’t matter. There are other ways to have a family. But that is just it…those other ways further prove my failure as woman.
“Missy. Look at me.” I look up at him while the tears rain down my face. “What else did she say about babies?”
“She—she sa—she said we could try IUI. It’s not that expensive and not a guarantee. It involves medicine, needles, and just…Hagen…I can’t ask you to go through all of that because I can’t do what a wife is supposed to.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you think a wife is supposed to do. But whatever the fuck it is stop thinking it now. We. Are. Married. Those vows, no matter where we were when we took them, mean something to me. So, whatever the hell it is, we are going to work through it together. Got it?” Well hell. I love it when he gets all Viking on me.
“Yes, Hagen. I get it.”
“Good. Now, I suggest that we go and talk to my father, but you obviously feel more comfortable talking to Dr. Denise. Why don’t we make an appointment tomorrow to go and see her together? Let’s make the decisions on what’s next as a married couple. How does that sound?” Like I don’t deserve him. But damn it, I want too. Could he be any more perfect?
“I married the perfect man. I love you Hagen. I know we did everything backwards, but it doesn’t change the fact that I know I did the right thing. You are everything to me.”
“Same here baby. Same here.” With those words we get undressed, he pulls me into his arms to sleep, and for the moment there is nothing wrong. Everything is just right.
Chapter Seven
Hagen
Three Weeks Later
When she told me her about her condition, my only thought was how can I help her? I felt as if I needed to be strong for her, but at the same time that’s not what she needs. Children were always something I wanted, but I need her more. She is the air I breathe.
Over the last three weeks, I have tried to make her see that she isn’t less than extraordinary because of what her body is going through. Tonight, I have settled on a movie in St. Paul, followed by dinner at an Italian restaurant. Promptly at eight I pick her up and we make the twenty-minute drive in silence. The movie and dinner are okay, but Missy’s mind is elsewhere, and I don’t blame her for that. I parallel park in front of the building, but neither of us make a move to get out of the car.
“What are we doing here, Missy?”
“I made desert. Aren’t you coming up?”
“I’m a man without a home. Haven’t you had enough of this yet?”
“Don’t you have two homes? And enough of what? Are you done with me now that I can’t give you a family?” she asks, her voice wavering.
“Fuck no, baby. I take my vows seriously. And I have no home, because you aren’t in it. A house isn’t automatically a home. I have had enough of this pussy footing around.” I grab her hand in mine.
“Come home,” she says softly letting her tears fall.
“Come home?”
“Yes. This was stupid. I’m sorry about making you jump through hoops to be my husband. You must really love me.”
“More than you’ll ever know.” She grins before leaning over and kissing me.
We get out of the car and head upstairs. She looks so fucking pretty in that little black dress. I pin her to the door and kiss her like the deviant I am feeling like. She moans as I lift her into my arms. Her legs go around my waist tightly. I kiss her again as I carry her to the bedroom. I set her down and she immediately lowers herself to her knees. Opening my belt, she pulls my cock out and sucks it into her mouth. I can do nothing but grip her hair tightly. She knows just what she’s doing and before I come, I pull her off of me.