My chin trembles despite my attempts to lock my jaw. “So I have to watch you become inhumane and remain quiet about it?”
“When it comes to your safety, yes. Also, I didn’t kill Devlin, but he’ll sure as fuck wish for death during the months of rehab he’ll have to undergo to be functioning again.” He tsks. “And your brother took some of my fun by insisting to participate in the torture. Did I mention that I can’t stand him?”
My lips part. “You…really let Devlin live?”
“For now.”
“Why?”
“Because I plan to make his life hell. I’ll wait until he’s all recovered and beat him up again. He’ll tremble in fear at the mere mention of my name, he’ll look behind his back and have an army as security, but none of them will stop me. I’ll become his custom-made nightmare.”
My mouth becomes dry, but I still ask, “Is that all?”
He releases a long breath and strokes my throat. “I also didn’t want you to feel guilty for a life I took for your sake. Because, unlike your claims, I do think from your perspective. And I’m also well aware that if I take one life, I’ll need to feel that rush again and again, until I get caught for it. While that option might have been negotiable in the past, it’s absolutely not a possibility now since it means I’d have to leave you.”
I snort. “I don’t know if I should feel special or horrified.”
He releases my throat and tucks a stray hair behind my ear. “Definitely the first.”
“Am I special?”
“If you weren’t, would I waste my time trying to see things from your perspective? I’m not an altruistic man, never was and never will be, but you’re part of me now, so I’ll get used to thinking the way you do.”
My previously broken heart, the heart that thought Killian crossed the line and that I’d have to ask Grandpa and even Lan to lock me away from him, has been slowly reviving back to life. It’s beating harshly now, as if the rush of oxygen is too much for it to handle.
As if this is all a pipe dream.
I try to speak, but I’m so choked up that it takes me a few attempts. “Do you mean that, or are you only saying it because you know I want to hear it?”
“Quit questioning everything I say or do. It really gets on my last nerve. Yes, I’m manipulative, but not with you. I have always been direct about what I want from you.”
“And what is that?”
“You being mine. I’ll give you the world in return.”
“The world?” A tear slides down my cheek. “What defines the world to you, Kill? Because for me, it’s waking up next to the man I love and being sure that he loves me, too. I don’t know when or how it happened, but I know that I fell in love with you. So hard that it hurts to know you’ll never feel the same.”
“Who says I never will?”
“Your nature. It’s not that you don’t want to change, it’s that you genuinely can’t.”
“Don’t go putting labels on me. See, what I gather about love is that it’s noble, tender, and means if you love someone enough, you may have to let them go. Understand this, Glyndon, there’s nothing noble or tender about what I feel for you. It’s a violent volcano of obsession, possession, and deranged lust. If you want love, then I do love you, but it’s the unorthodox version of love. I love you enough to let you within my walls. I love you enough to let you talk to my demons. I love you enough to allow you to have a hold over me when I’ve never allowed anyone to have the power to destroy me from the inside out.”
My heart beats so hard, I think it’s attempting to fly out of my chest and somehow fuse with his.
This can’t be learned behavior, not when his eyes are molten lava and he looks at me with an intensity that steals my breath.
“Killian…”
“Don’t even think about doubting my words again.”
“I wasn’t… I’m just touched.”
“Of course you are. I bet you like the tidbit about how you hold power over me.”
“It’s only fair with all the power you hold over me.” I lift a hand and stroke his cheek, smiling, then wincing when my lip throbs.
He doesn’t seem to like that, considering the way his brows dip. Then he takes my hand and kisses my palm, eliciting a shudder from deep within my soul. “I promise I’ll never allow anyone to hurt you again.”