“I told you I didn’t show her that. I even deleted it from the archives.” Gareth’s voice rises with frustration. “Ask Jeremy, he was there and told me to bury the hatchet. Besides, you didn’t expect her to stay in the dark all her life, did you? She would’ve eventually found out. If not from me, then from someone else.”
Killian jerks in my hold in an attempt to go at his brother’s throat again.
“Calm down,” I say with patience I don’t particularly feel right now.
“Spare me the bullshit.” He forcibly wrenches himself from my hold. “You never wanted me to be born? Wonderful. Guess what, Dad? I never wanted to be your son. There, I said it, and you know what? I’m not even sorry, Mom. I should’ve told him this a long time ago.”
Reina physically steps backward from the shock, her lips trembling as if she’s finally seeing what type of monster her son actually is.
The type who’d assault his brother, jab at his father, and emotionally wreck his mother without blinking.
But I can’t even gather the energy to say I told you so, because Killian’s words and the anger behind them catches me completely off guard.
My first thought with Killian is to always subdue him somehow, shackle him in a way, knock him down a few notches so he never grows fully into who he is.
When I first found out about his tendencies, I took him hunting and enrolled him in highly competitive sports. I taught him how to channel that destructive energy and tame it, but he often spiraled out of control.
He eventually grew bored of repressing his true nature and rebelled. He punched his classmates, picked fights with thugs, and sent a few people to the ER.
I refused to bury his actions or let him use any sort of privileges. The first time the principal called me, I told him to suspend him. The second time, my father covered his tracks.
And that continued for all the times that followed.
My father is the reason Killian never learned his lesson. He kept getting him out of trouble so that the Carson name wasn’t sullied, even when I told him that he was only making him more untouchable.
“What’s wrong with being untouchable?” my father asked without batting an eye. “At least he’ll be powerful.”
My old man only ever cared about that—power. Didn’t matter how it was attained as long as the family name remained in a prestigious position.
Needless to say, I didn’t agree with him, and the fact that Killian stopped calling me and started going to his grandfather started a rift between us.
However, it’s the first time I’ve heard the words, or more accurately, the bomb he dropped just now.
I face him fully. “What did you just say?”
His shoulders have tensed, and the expression on his face is the most savage I’ve seen. He’s losing control.
I feel it.
He must feel it, too.
But he still speaks in that eternally casual tone. “I heard you that night when I was nine and had beat up that tool who was calling Mia names. Mom was depressed, drinking wine late at night in the kitchen, and you came to find her. I was right outside when you told her you should’ve only had Gareth and that I’m defective. And you know what? I heard Mom being angry, I heard her telling you to never say that again if you loved her, but your words are the only thing I remember. Thanks for the beautiful childhood memories, Dad. You hate who I am with everything in you, but you should be thankful. If those words had been directed at your golden boy there, he would’ve developed a trauma. Shouldn’t we all be grateful that I’m not a neurotypical fucking weakling?”
“Oh, Kill.” Reina steps toward him, but he holds up a hand.
“Spare me, Mom. I don’t want to hear you defending him.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” She grabs a hold of his arm. “I’m sorry you had to hear that and think I was afraid of you because of the mice incident. A mother can’t be scared of her own child. The only reason I was horrified back then was because I realized you were like someone from our past. Someone Asher and I loved with all our hearts but ended up stabbing us in the back. It’s why he said those words, too. We knew there was a chance of having a child who inherited that someone’s genes, and it happened with you. Asher said we should only have Gareth, but I’m the one who wanted another child, I’m the one who wanted you with all my heart, Kill. I know what he said was wrong, but he didn’t even mean it. Those were words of anger. Asher loves you as much as he loves Gareth, Kill. But you’re the one who distanced yourself from him.”
And now, I know why.
It wasn’t because my father covered his tracks instead of me or because I thought maybe he disliked me.
Turns out he genuinely dislikes me.
A shot of pain explodes behind my rib cage and spreads all over my chest. I couldn’t speak even if I wanted to, so I take some time to regulate my breathing.
Gareth’s gaze flits between me and his brother as if he’s unable to believe what he’s hearing.