My heartbeat slowly returns to normal as I stare up at my husband’s sleeping face and breathe him in.
Subconsciously, I reach out and stroke a few rebellious hairs away from his forehead. It’s such a shame that none of our children have this shade of bright blond, except for Glyn’s natural balayage.
The terror slowly subsides the more I touch him and sink further in his presence.
I’ve been with this man for thirty years and he still causes a flutter in my chest and a dip in my stomach.
When I think about that first time I met him—or more accurately, caught his attention—at the party I didn’t even want to be at, it feels just like yesterday.
That day ended with my tragic accident, but that was also the beginning of us, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
We’ve come a long way from the teenagers we once were. Yes, it wasn’t always easy, especially with the kids, but as long as he’s by my side, I can conquer anything.
Starting with the nightmare that’s playing vividly in my head.
My babies were all caught in muddy water, black hands pulling at them from every side as smoke penetrated their orifices.
“You can only save one,” a distorted voice said and I screamed.
That’s when I woke up.
Slowly, I peel Levi’s arm from around my waist, grab my phone, and quietly leave our bedroom.
It’s almost six in the morning, so I text the early birds, Lan and Bran, first. Then Glyn—although it’ll take her hours to wake up and reply. And I do it separately.
We have a family group chat, but there’s a trick I learned early on. My kids are more prone to talk to me if it’s private. They have these internal wars where they don’t want their siblings to know about their little secrets.
Especially Bran and Glyn. They’re more comfortable talking to me and their dad one-on-one.
Astrid:Morning, baby. Is everything okay?
The first reply is immediate.
Brandon:Morning, Mum. Everything’s great. Getting ready for my jog.
Astrid:Are you really okay? You know you can talk to me about anything that bothers you or your siblings. I’m here to listen.
The dots appear and disappear, on and on as I pace the length of the hall.
Bran has always been the trickiest, the most silent, and the one more prone to self-destruction. The reason I constantly ask about him isn’t because I love him the most, as anyone from the outside would think.
It’s more due to the fact that’s it’s been a while since he talked to me, likereallytalked to me, and I feel like he’ll slip from between my fingers like sand the moment I don’t check on him.
Brandon:Don’t be dramatic, Mum. Everything’s fine. Gotta go.
My chest deflates with a disappointed breath, but I send him heart emojis.
Astrid:Be safe, okay? I love you.
Brandon:Love you, too, Mum.
I’m still liking his text when another one shows up at the top of my notifications.
Landon:I’m good as the devil and just as handsome. Morning, Mum.
I smile, shaking my head. My oldest will never change.
Astrid:Morning, rascal, and seriously, where do you get all that arrogance?