“I won’t.”
He pauses. “What did you just say?”
“I said I won’t run.” I grab his hand and put it back around my middle, slowly regulating my breathing. “You were saying?”
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Listening to you. I want to know more about why you feel the need to kill.”
“It’s in my nature. There’s nothing to explain about it.” He strokes the skin between my top and shorts, sending shivers down my spine as he appears a little stunned.
I love having this effect on him.
“Why haven’t you then? You must’ve had countless chances, especially with mafia friends.”
“The bloodlust muddies my head, and I’d have little impulse control. I refuse to be a slave to my urges, to be ruled by them, and to develop a bad habit of satisfying them. Eventually, I’ll lose control and get locked up for it, and that’s just not going to happen. So I repress as much as I can.”
“Isn’t that…painful?”
“Hmm. Interesting choice of words. I would’ve sworn you’d be relieved to hear that I repress my urges.”
“Not if you’re in pain.”
He grins. “Look at my little rabbit developing feelings for me.”
“Shut up, I’m just empathizing. Something you don’t know the meaning of.”
“Tomayto, tomahto.” He’s still grinning. “As for the pain, it’s much better than the pain of losing control. That one is irrevocable, this one is manageable.”
“How often do you think about killing?”
“Per day, twenty-four times. Sometimes more in certain irritating situations. Lately, it’s less.”
I don’t dwell on being shocked by the high number, because there’s something more important.
They can lessen.
“How did the number decrease?”
“With your presence.”
“W-what?”
He slides the other hand around my throat and pulls me over so his forehead rests against mine and I can see the contours of his lips and the sharp lines of his jaw.
Killian breathes me in, slowly. “You make the demons go away, even temporarily.”
“How?”
“Beats me. Whatever it is you’re doing, keep doing it. I like how quiet it is up here.” He taps the side of his head.
I’m so incredulous and touched that I feel moisture gathering in my eyes. “Don’t I make you repress more because I’m different than you are?”
“On the contrary, you bring silence. Long fucking silence.”
“Does that mean I’m one of a kind?” I joke.
“You think I’d spend this much time and effort on an infuriating little rabbit like you if that weren’t the case?”