“I need your help.”
That brought a trace of his old, ironic humor to his face, but it was darker somehow. “Why now?” he asked, a hint of mocking in his voice.
I refused to take the bait. “You know why.”
Landon nodded his head once. “So let me get this straight. You ran off to–” he paused, waiting for me to fill in the blank.
“Hawaii.”
“--Hawaii, never bothering to tell me I was going to be a father. Kept my kid from me for three damn years, and now you’re back because the Lavigne piggy bank ran out of quarters?”
Landon spit out the words contemptuously. I struggled in vain to keep the angry flush from rising to my cheeks. Yes, I had lived on my family’s money, but I’d been raising Emma by myself. No nannies, no family nearby. The two of us had been our own little world. I’d thought that when she went to school, I would go back too. I’d gotten my degree in Nutrition, but I wanted to apply to a naturopath program. I hadn’t quite figured it all out yet, but I’d had a hazy idea of the future, and it didn’t involve living off my family’s money forever like Landon seemed to think.
I swallowed hard. That money was gone now. I wouldn’t miss the house or the private planes, but I would miss the luxury of raising my daughter without worry. I would miss lazy mornings on the beach, holding her small hand, listening to her shriek when the surf swamped her small feet. The dreamy, timeless years in which the future had felt so far off.
“I can see that you’re angry, Landon, and I’m sorry. I thought I was doing what was best for all of us.” I took a deep breath. “You were very clear that you didn’t want children. You were clear that we could never be anything serious. The age difference was too much. A family was the last thing you wanted, and so when I found out I was pregnant, I left.” I spread my hands out beseechingly. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
It was all true, every word, but I was still lying by omission. I wasn’t telling him how agonizing it was to have his baby and not him when I wanted both so much. I wasn’t telling him that, even though he’d made it perfectly clear from the start what he could offer–and it wasn’t love–that I’d fallen in love with him anyway. How I’d pictured that love withering under years of his resentment after I forced him into a life he didn’t want.
“You weren’t trying to hurt me,” he repeated, his pale green eyes unreadable. “You know, I almost believe you.”
“You should believe me completely.” I stood and took a step forward. “And please believe that I’m so very sorry for it. I thought it was one way or another–either I told you I was pregnant, or you never knew. I never planned for…well, this.”
Landon’s gaze sharpened again. I’d said something wrong, but I didn’t know what. His voice was cold again when he asked, “You still haven’t told me how I can help. I assume you need money.”
There wasn’t any particular intonation in his voice when he said the wordmoney, but defensiveness rose up in me anyway. “Yes, it costs quite a bit to raise a child, and my accounts have been frozen.”
He started to say something, but I shook my head. “No. Wait. I have a plan. A proposal. Can we meet for dinner? I don’t want to do it here. Not with everything so…” I waved my hands “...tense. Let’s take the day to cool off and meet up tonight.” Then, at the wary look that sprang into his eye, I added, “Not amarriageproposal, Landon. A business proposal.”
“That’s what I assumed,” he said after a second.
I shook my head and nearly laughed. “God, could you imagine?”
I could tell that, despite everything, he wanted to laugh. The corners of his mouth wanted to twist up into that laconic, ironic smirk I’d fallen in love with. The one he showed to very few people. He didn’t, though. I wasn’t one of the very few people anymore. Strangely, it hurt. I’d taken some pride in slipping past his guard, even if he’d kept his heart off limits and I’d offered mine up on a platter.
“Dinner then,” Landon agreed finally. “Give Potts your contact information on the way out. She’ll set it up.”
I wanted to make a joke about his people calling mine, but I didn’t want to see him suppress his smile again. Or worse yet, stare through me like he did the rest of the world. Instead, I said, “I’ll just give you my number, and you can let me know.”
“Give it to Potts,” Landon repeated, his voice a shade colder.
I got it, then. Just as my number had changed over the past four years, so had his. And he didn’t want me to have it. Not yet. That stung too. I left before Landon could read how much in my eyes.
* * *
What did one wear to meet their ex-lover? The father of their child? Potts had made a reservation for us at an upscale vegetarian restaurant on the outskirts of town. I didn’t know whether to be touched that Landon had remembered I didn’t eat meat or suspicious that he was taking me there solely because he knew none of his carnivorous brethren would be there. I didn’t think I’d damaged his ego when I left, but who knew anymore. I hadn’t expected him to pull thatmy lawyercard.
Thinking of it now struck a cold dart of fear into my heart. If Landon chose to, he could hire the best custody lawyers on the West Coast and mount a multimillion-dollar campaign to take Emma from me. I couldn’t fight back, not now. I only had to hope that my instincts were right–that he’d said it out of anger. That he could never be so cruel.
Subconsciously, I chose a burgundy silk dress that highlighted my legs–always his favorite body part. It was slim fitting with a relaxed skirt, but the slit went to the middle of my thigh. I wore it with high-heeled sandals that would put me just a few inches beneath his 6’2-height. I looked in the mirror, silently gauging whether it was too much or not.
Casey, my best friend, Emma’s godmother, and who I was staying with in her Hollywood Hills bungalow, sat on the bed, playing with Emma. “You look good,” she said, glancing over at me.
“Casey, no time for looking at Mama,” Emma said fiercely. “We’re playing a game.”
Casey’s eyebrows shot up. “Are all three-year-olds this bossy?”
I laughed and turned away from the mirror. Brushing Emma’s dark hair back out of her face, I dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “I don’t know. I’ve only ever known this one.”