“Hmm.”
I had no idea what thehmmmeant, but it irritated me into explaining more than I had on the phone. “Cami was under the impression I didn’t want children when we were together before.”
“No surprise. You still live like a childless bachelor.”
“Not for long. I’m buying a house.”
Her eyes flickered with something like approval, though damned if the woman wouldn’t bite her tongue off before she said anything nice. Instead, she said, “I hope you’ll invite me to see it someday.”
“You’re my mother. You don’t need an invitation. I’d give you a key if I thought you’d use it, Mom.” Frustration made the words come out harsher than I intended.
“No need for that, but I would like to see my granddaughter again.” My mother hesitated. “Thank you again.”
She was in her car, the door firmly shut between us, before I could respond. I watched her drive away, the familiar mix of irritation and thwarted love churning in my stomach. Why was everything so damn hard with her? What was it about parents that made you keep trying, even when you wanted to write them off?
This was why I hadn’t wanted kids, I realized. It wasn’t just my dad leaving. I never wanted to make another person feel like my parents had made me feel. The familiar choking panic welled up at the idea, but suddenly, it evaporated, and one thought sang out from the muddled confusion in my head.
I wasn’t like them. I’d always known that on some level, but now Iknewthat I could be a parent without beingmyparents. That I could have a family without becomingmyfamily.
I could love Emma and Cami without leaving or driving them away.
22
CAMI
We left a week later. It wasn’t lost on me that this was well past the end of the three weeks we were supposed to be in the penthouse with Landon. The threat was supposed to be neutralized weeks ago. I didn’t ask for too many details, but it was clear that it hadn’t been. I knew that the LAPD hadn’t been able to track where the latest threat came in from. Whoever was sending them had gotten better at covering their tracks. That meant they could be across the country, or right next door.
The idea made shivers race up and down my spine every time we left the penthouse, and I was glad to be leaving town.
Landon waited until we were in the car to tell me we weren’t going to LAX but Van Nuys.
“We’re taking a private plane?” I asked with a frown, my mind immediately jumping to the optics of it. As rich as my family had been, we didn’t take private planes. It was part of theLavigne Beautycreed to keep our carbon footprint as small as possible. The model might have been a pyramid scheme, but the products themselves were eco-friendly, made from recycled materials, and biodegradable. Though it could hardly hurt the reputation of the company any worse, it still felt wrong.
“Yes,” Landon said shortly. “I know how you feel about that, but I’m not putting you and Emma in a crowded airport right now.” His jaw was hard, like he was bracing for a fight.
I didn’t like it, but I understood it. I surprised him by reaching for his hand and pulling it to my lips. He glanced in the rearview mirror to see if Emma had noticed, and if she had noticed, if she had questions. It was one thing to tell her that Landon was her father. She got that. It was another to try to explain what Landon and I were to each other. We couldn’t even explain it to ourselves.
More and more, it didn’t feel casual at all.
I had to admit that the private plane was wonderful. We flew down with Landon’s close friends, Garrett, Dominic, and Julian. Con and Lily were already in Croatia with their young daughter and Con’s first daughter who was apparently Lily’s best friend.
“That sounds complicated,” I said when Garrett explained.
“It was,” he assured me, his eyes glinting with amusement. I got the feeling that Garrett found a lot of things amusing. He was the lightest of the bunch. Landon was his polar opposite. Dominic and Julian seemed to fall in between. Dominic had an acerbic way of speaking that made me wonder at first if he didn’t like me. Then I realized he spoke to everyone that way, including his mother when she called. Julian was friendlier, but in a distracted way. He kept going into the back room to take calls about the latest movie his studio was producing. When he was with us, he made comments about the plane that made the others roll their eyes.
“This Monastrell is only six years old,” he said, frowning at a bottle of red.
“No one gives a fu–no one cares, Julian,” Landon said, deadpan. He and Emma were making necklaces out of the kit we bought to entertain her on the ride. He was already wearing a blue rubber necklace with an Olaf pendant hanging from it. It fit him like a choker and made him look ridiculous and yet, I still somehow wished I could pull him into the bedroom in the back without anyone raising an eyebrow.
“What’s a fuh?” Emma asked.
“Nothing. That’s why no one gives them.”
“Is it like a present?”
Landon scratched his chin and considered it. “No. It’s like the opposite of a present.”
“I like presents.”