“Yes.” It should’ve been scary, but all she wanted was to be close to Reed and share everything. He wouldn’t judge her, he’d never stop loving her, and he was so devoted to her there wasn’t even a worry about how to phrase it or what to say or not say. “I was so scared when you got shot. I thought I’d flip out, but I didn’t.”
“Of course you didn’t. You’re so brave and impressive, Esther.”
“I haven’t always been,” she admitted. “But I realized that I have learned over the past ten years how to be in control and in charge of my emotions, and there’s also the fact that I’m so deeply in love with you.Youstrengthen and calm me.” She clung to his hand and brushed her other hand along his jaw and into his hair. He smiled at her.
“You’re incredible Reed,” she continued. “You’re everything to me and everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re steady, tough, kind, smart, fun—”
“Not to mention a hot sheriff,” Reed said.
“And so humble,” she teased. “For a guy with a head injury who’s been in and out of lucidity, you areverywith it.”
He looked down at their joined hands and said seriously, “I not only had a great reason to get my mind clear quick, but I had someone to guide me here and let me know things would be okay.”
She marveled at those words. That was exactly what he’d done for her—guided her and loved her and assured her it would be okay if he was with her.
Reed raised their clasped hands, softly brushing her knuckles with his lips. “Do you really love me, Esther?”
She stared at him and admitted, “I do. I love you and I love everything about you.”
“I think I’ve repeated about a hundred times how much I love you. I had to make sure you knew.” His cheeks crinkled into a grin. “But I’ll say it again. I love you, Esther.”
She grinned as happiness blossomed inside her. She had to tell him … everything. “Can I tell you a long story?”
He lowered their joined hands to the bed. “I would love to hear any story. Please forgive me if I fall asleep on you, though.”
She grunted out a laugh. “I don’t think that’s a good line for our hero.”
He smiled. “As long as I am your hero. If I recall, all I did was get shot. Who beat up Garret?”
“Me.” She pumped her eyebrows.
“That’s my girl.”
Esther wanted to be his girl. She wanted it more than anything. But she had to tell him everything first. “Okay, short version. I fell in love at nineteen. He told me I was too obsessed and I couldn’t leave him alone. It turns out he was right, and I lost control. He was a policeman, and I called and texted him dozens of times the night he broke it off. I was immature and thought if I could just see him, we could work it out.”
Reed nodded encouragingly.
Nerves fluttered in her stomach, but she reminded herself he wouldn’t judge her. “I tracked his phone and went to see him, took him his favorite brownies.”
It hurt to remember it all so vividly. It was also humiliating to have Reed hear all of this. She kept reminding herself she had matured and gotten so much stronger. Awful things happened sometimes. She wished she could change it, but she couldn’t.
Reed waited.
“When he saw me, he tried to get me out of the situation. They were shadowing a heroin exchange, waiting to make a bust, and I was about to mess up the entire thing. It was in a nice neighborhood, so I had no idea I was in danger.” She took a quick breath. “One of the men saw Roman coming for me, realized the police were watching them, and shot Roman in the back.”
Reed’s eyes widened, and he didn’t look like he was going to fall asleep, not at all. “Esther,” he murmured. But even in that moment he looked concerned about her, not disgusted or frustrated with her lack of self-control or interference in a drug bust that caused a policeman to die.
“Everything went crazy. Roman’s partner called in the shooting and tried to follow the perpetrator.” She licked her lips. “I had first aid training, but I was in shock and I froze. I didn’t put pressure on the wound or assess Roman or anything I could’ve done to possibly save his life.”
Reed clung to her hand, his eyes steady on hers. She saw no judgment there, and it encouraged her to keep going.
“Roman died before the EMTs arrived. Then I honestly went crazy. Papa and my parents are the only ones who know what happened. I spent my sophomore year of college in therapy and I spent longer than that trying to forgive myself for causing Roman’s death.”
“Esther,” Reed said softly. His dark gaze was as serious as it had ever been. “The dealer killed Roman, not you.”
A tear raced past her lashes, and she wiped it away with her free hand. “I shouldn’t have even been there. I made Roman leave his safe spot and then I did nothing to save his life.”
He nodded. “It’s awful what happened, but we’ve all made mistakes. And your innocent mistake and then freezing in a horrific situation does not make a tragic death your fault. It just makes it a tragedy, and even harder to deal with.” The look in his eyes said he knew she’d struggled and maybe still did.