I grin. I know that’s Marcy’s dream job, and to see her get it makes me incredibly happy for her. She really does deserve it. She’s worked incredibly hard at school and put in a lot of voluntary hours just to get to this point.
But when the realization of her getting her job dawns on me, my smile fades. “So, you’re staying in Cali then?”
Marcy bites her lip and looks at me halfway. I connect the dots and put together why she didn’t say anything all day. I was already dealing with enough shit, and now, I’m going to lose my best friend.
I suck it up and force a smile to curve my lips upwards. “But you got your dream job.” I try to lay happiness on thickly. “I’m so happy for you. I know how hard you’ve worked to get it.”
Marcy’s face lights up, all worry vanishing. “It’s just for a little while longer. Especially with Landon having a couple more years to go.” She looks up at him with complete adoration and love. “We’re moving into our own apartment, aren’t we, babe?”
I hold my smile, but I can feel my insides twisting. I can’t tell if it's envy, anger, or something else, but it sure as fuck isn’t happiness for the couple. I don’t know why I can’t be happy, and I hate myself for that. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m losing my best friend when I’ve just gotten her back. I know I can’t ask her to stick around because of me. I’m not allowed to do that. We both pushed forward with our lives. She went in one direction, and I went in the other. I’m not allowed to ask her to give up her life just because I’m trying to pull mine together.
Marcy pulls out of Landon’s grip and approaches me, holding her arms out. I hesitate for a moment and then climb to my feet, wrapping my arms around her. She hugs me tight, and we stay like that for a minute. Marcy is shorter than I am by just a little bit, but it’s enough for me to put my chin on the top of her head. I try not to think about things, about how Marcy is leaving, and it’s going to be a long time before I see her again. I know that if I do, I’m going to break. I’m going to beg her not to leave; that’s the last thing I should be doing. I must suck it up. I’ve gotta let her live her life too, not be wrapped up in me.
“You can come to visit,” she tells me as she pulls back. “Any time, just let us know. We’re getting a two-bedroom apartment just so you can come and visit.”
I hesitate and glance at Owen, Devon, and Colton on the couch before looking at Marcy again. I don’t get a chance to respond before Owen cuts in.
“Different scenery will do you good, Gracie. That’s a good idea, Marcy. Us guys will take turns bringing her to visit.” I look at him as he speaks and the rest nod in agreement.
“There you go then,” Marcy says happily and squeezes me again before officially letting me go and returning to Landon’s side. “We’ll be moved in by the end of next month at the latest. I have to go through all the crap in the big house.”
The big house. I somewhat recognize that name. I know it’s a shared house between Landon and a lot of his football buddies, an attempt at saving rent because they share it together. They’ve all got partners, and I think there’s one couple with a baby coming. I don’t know for sure, but I think that’s what Marcy told me. I wouldn’t be able to do that. I don’t know how Marcy has put up with it for as long as she has. I know the two of them getting an apartment for themselves is exciting.
The guys chat for a moment about football or something. But it isn’t much longer before the two of them leave to get started on their packing or go to bed early, one of the two things. Dinner, too, most likely. My stomach growls, reminding me I’ve barely eaten today with all the chaos.
I sit back in my armchair and fold my legs beneath me. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to bring up my hunger. I don’t know what is going on. I look around, and that’s when I notice all the boxes. Most are piled up against the walls, labels on them in the slanted handwriting I easily recognize as Devon’s. My name is on a few, Devon and Owen’s as well. Some are labeled as kitchen and dining room.
The place isn’t filled to the brim with boxes, so I assume there’s still a lot to get from the apartment. That or they’re in different rooms. I don’t know. I only count three with my name on them. I know I didn’t have much to my name when I came out of rehab, but I don’t think it’s that little amount of stuff.
“Where is everything of mine?” I suddenly ask, barely noting that I’ve interrupted some type of conversation.
“The master bedroom,” Devon tells me. “We have to get my dad’s stuff out before we can officially unpack, though. I just want to get us out of the apartment before the first, so dad won’t have to worry about that month’s rent.”
I look at him, then at Owen, Colton, and finally to Luke and Jasper. Finally, I return to Devon. He likes being in charge, making sure things are within his control. He knows how to settle arguments without even raising his voice, and it only makes sense to look to him for guidance at this point.
“So, what’s going on with…” I bite my lip and motion around the whole room. I don’t know how to voice my question.
Understanding falls over Devon’s face, and he sits forward, hands clasped in his lap. “Honestly, Gracie, it’s your choice what you want. Do you want all of us, one of us? Two of us? When you can tell us what you want, then we can move forward.”
I can feel my lips part in astonishment at his words. So, whatever happens is completely my choice at this point? Is that even a sensible thing to allow? I don’t know if I should be making such a big decision. I don’t know if I’m stable enough to do that.
I start to shake my head in denial and am ready to protest when the words become lodged in my throat. I swallow a couple of times, trying to push them away, but it isn’t until I decide not to protest that they disappear.
I switch my gaze to Luke and Jasper, standing in the front of the living room. Luke is leaning against the wall, arms folded over his chest. And Jasper, with his long hair, stands next to him with his ankles crossed. When I look at the guys on the couch, they’re all staring at me expectantly. They’re all waiting for a decision on my part. My heart leaps into my throat, and my hands go clammy. I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. I don’t want any of them to hate me.
“I want to be with you all,” I blurt out, the words escaping before I can even think them over. They aren’t even close to what I was thinking, so it’s a surprise even to me that they leave my lips.
“It’s decided then,” Luke states, not at all sounding even a smidge surprised. “So, we figure this out together.”
I peek at Owen. I’m expecting him to be pissed, to be annoyed. I know better than to think he’d be happy about the situation, and I’m right; he isn’t happy. But I’m also wrong because he isn’t exactly pissed about it. He looks slightly irritated but calm at the same time.
I’ve got to address him, though, because I know this will be difficult for him. “I know you don’t like sharing, Owen—”
“We’ll work through this,” Owen cuts me off. “I just don’t do sex with guys.” He eyes the other four and back at me. “So, I’m all yours.”
I’m at a loss for words and can only nod as he gets up, my eyes following him as he goes through the adjacent dining room and into the kitchen off to the side. I don’t dare look away. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to the others or where to go with any of this.
Chapter55