My arm wraps around her waist, pulling her closer. After a long moment, she pulls back, both of us gasping for breath.
Gracie looks back at Devon and tilts her head slightly to look up at him. “Are we going home?”
He smiles warily. “That’s something we need to talk about. My dad wants us to move in here. He’s moving into some assisted facility home. I’ve already tried talking him out of it, but it was no use. Do you want to live here with me? Actually, live here?” His eyes flicker up to me, lingering on my face for a moment before looking back at her. “We can figure out the whole relationship with Colton together too.”
Gracie peers over her shoulder at me and then back to Devon. “You want me to live with you… like usual?”
Devon snorts with a shake of his head. “No, I mean actually live together. As a couple. Not roommates.”
Gracie looks at me again and back to him, seeming extremely conflicted about the whole thing. “But – but Colton—”
“I have my grandpa’s place,” I interject. “Besides, we should figure out the relationship before I make any jumps to living with anybody or vice versa.”
Gracie bites her lip and finally nods. “Okay, I guess so. I mean, I’ll have to talk to Daddy first.”
Devon nods and leans forward, pressing his lips to Gracie’s forehead. “You’ll see. Things will get figured out.”
Chapter41
Gracie
“Here we are,” Colton announces as we step onto the field at the park.
It’s empty of people, much unlike the rest of the park. There is no pond in this area and no equipment for kids to climb on. No shade from trees dotting the field. I know from passing it on several occasions that people tend to come into the field to let their dogs run, play frisbee, or do both at the same time. Neither of which Colton nor I have. We’re just two people standing in the middle of the field of overgrown green grass dotted with yellow and purple flowers. Morning glories, I think.
I watch as Colton sits down, stretching his legs in front of him. He then lowers himself back until he’s lying flat on his back and looks up at me, stretching his arms out as he gives me a lazy smile.
“Come lay with me,” he says huskily.
Something flutters inside of me at the way he speaks to me. Just to me. When it’s only us, it’s all about us. I haven’t had this much attention from a single guy not wanting anything in exchange in a long time, and it feels so good. I don’t want to damage this, but my stomach curls as I remember mine and Devon’s night. I’m going to have to tell Colton eventually. Sooner than later. Because if it’s later, it’ll only hurt Colton even more, and I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing about anything.
I don’t understand the relationship between Colton and me. I don’t understand what’s going on with Devon and me. I sure as fuck don’t understand anything about Owen these days. My mind is a mess, and that’s a dangerous thing for me.
Finally, I sit down next to him, plucking at blades of grass around me. I feel Colton shift behind me, and I notice him sitting back up. He lingers inches from my face, ready to kiss me. I so badly want to kiss him, but I stop myself from doing so.
It’s eating me alive, and if I keep it bottled up, it’s going to erupt, and not in a good way. Then again, this kind of news isn’t exactly a good thing either way. But if I don’t tell him, I will turn to remedies that aren’t healthy.
“I had sex,” I finally blurt, the heat flashing across my cheeks as my shoulders tense in wait for him to hit me at my confession. “With Devon. A few nights ago.”
I squeeze my eyes shut in wait. I can feel the phantom hands of my ex from last year on me, and the snarl of his voice haunts my mind. I can practically feel the spit of his words as he rips at me, reminding me how terrible I am. That I’m just better off falling back to habits I so badly want to stay away from. His fists against my face, his fingers in my hair as he hauls me against the wall. Broken glass, everywhere.
The longer I wait, though, it slowly dawns on me that it isn’t happening in reality. At this, I peel my eyes open and see Colton looking. His eyebrows are furrowed, but he doesn’t look mad. Not mad? Why isn’t he mad? Why isn’t he screaming? Why isn’t he hitting me, calling me every name in the book?
Fingers brush across my cheek, and I realize then that tears have flooded out of my eyes, unwarranted.
“Thank you for telling me,” he sounds a little confused. “I know that you’re in love with him. I can never compete with who your heart wants.”
I let out a rattle of a breath. Relieved. I look down and find my hands balled into fists on my legs. Forcefully, I peel them out and look at the crescent shapes left behind from my nails.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I say hoarsely, my throat searing from the fight it takes to hold sobs back.
Again, his fingers brush over my cheeks, and I look up at him. He leans into me and presses his lips against my forehead. I close my eyes slowly this time. Not in fear, though; I know that.
“I don’t want to lose you either,” he murmurs, his lips moving against my forehead.
I pull back and look up at him. “Devon wants us to work on things, and that’s really confusing. But I don’t want to—” My voice cracks, and I lose the motivation to keep talking.
I don’t know how to explain it. He was in the same house and had the same conversation with Devon and me. But I’m hoping that Colton not moving in as well isn’t going to put him off from whatever all this is.