I roll my head on my shoulders and let out a slow exhalation, as if biding my time in response. “I’m still going to them.”
Both of my parents pause in their actions, exchanging a look I can’t see, then turn to look at me with arched eyebrows.
“They’re going good,” I add quickly, holding up my hands in defense, knowing they’d begin to worry if I didn’t say something about it. “Really. I’m still sober, I promise.”
“That isn’t what we meant, Gracie,” my father says in a clipped tone. “And you know it.”
I shrug, looking down at my hands. “I know.”
They’re silent for a moment, and I know they are sharing a look again. I don’t look up, though.
“Gracelynn,” my mother’s stern tone draws my eyes up to her. “What’s going on?”
I turn and look out the window. Kate is lingering just behind Devon, and Donna’s flirting with one or more of my nephews, their fathers, and even my own damn brother. Owen’s sitting at a table, completely ignored. Anger boils in the pit of my stomach.
“I want them back,” I finally speak, my voice cracking, and my shoulders drop. “But I can’t have them.”
They don’t have to ask to know who I’m talking about.
I turn back to look at my parents. “May I move back in here, please?”
Both their eyebrows shoot up in surprise. But it’s daddy’s words that shock me.
“You can’t move back in here, Gracie.”
I jump down from the counter. “You can’t be serious? You’ve always said—"
“We know,” my mother cuts me off, her words gentle. “But Gracie, you’re doing so well. We don’t want something drastic to cause you to backpedal.”
“I’m not! If you make me stay there, I will relapse.” The threat leaves my lips before I can stop it.
“What on earth are you talking about, Gracie? Just because we want you to succeed doesn’t mean-“
“It’s because of them!” I blurt out, frustration causing tears to explode, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t do it. I can’t be around Owen and Devon right now. Watching them parade around with their girlfriends sucks ass. It makes me want to drink, to forget everything. It isn’t fair. Please, I need to move back in here.”
Pain flashes in both of their eyes. My desperation is clear, and I know if I beg enough, they’ll give in. I’m the baby of the family. I know I demanded to be treated like an adult when I got sober and that acting like this now will throw that out the window, but I’m desperate.
I wipe at the tears threatening to overflow. “It just hurts so much.”
“It’s going to,” my mother says gently, and I feel her fingers brush through my hair. “You haven’t allowed yourself to feel the pain before. It was always cloaked with… your addictions. You’re sober now, and it’s going to be all over the place for you. Have you been going to your therapy lessons?”
I snivel but nod. I can’t lie. My brother-in-law is the boss of my therapist. He would know in a heartbeat if I didn’t go.
“I lost them,” I repeat. “Is it possible to get them back? Both of them. I want both back.”
“I don’t think—"
“Reuban,” my mother hisses. “Our daughter is actually talking to us. Don’t shut her down.”
“I’m not shutting her down, Heidi. It’s just I’m her father, and I don’t exactly feel comfortable about hearing my youngest daughter, or any of my daughters, wanting two men at once.”
“Fine,” I snap, my cheeks blistering with a blush. “I’m done.”
“Gracie,” my mother starts, but I ignore her as I stomp to the living room.
Their voices argue, muffling the further I draw away. My mother's words stop me as I reach the front door and grip the knob.
“Please talk to me, Gracie.”