“I am sorry,” he said softly. “That should never have happened.”
“Perhaps not, but I am very glad it did,” she answered with a shy smile. “It was the first proper kiss I have ever experienced, and I hope every one I have in the future will be just as wonderful as that one.”
But you will not be kissing me,he thought with a pang of regret.
He smiled at her. “I am glad you liked it,” he remarked. He was still desperately aroused, and he had to distract her. “Do the swans always come here?” he asked, talking about the first thing that came into his head.
“Yes, in the spring and summer,” she answered. She was also glad of the chance to change the subject. “Do you know that they mate for life?”
“I do now,” he replied.
Damn! How have we managed to arrive at the very subject I have been trying to avoid?
Mating for life was not something he wanted to think about.
11
After that, Bernard felt too awkward to speak much, and Janice, unable to stand the silence, turned their horses’ heads back toward the castle. There, she went to bathe and spent the rest of the day in her chamber, reliving the kiss again and again. The feel of his rough palms on her cheeks, his lips so firm and yet so soft, and the completely unexpected but utterly pleasurable sensation of his tongue intruding into her mouth were all new to her. Nevertheless, she knew that she wanted to feel them again.
However, after their kiss, he seemed to have gone cold on her. He had turned his head away, and their conversation had become stilted and then stopped altogether. After a while, the silence had become so unbearable that she had reluctantly hastened their trip back to the castle, but she had been aware of him for every moment of the journey.
When they arrived, he gave her a brief bow and a “thank you” before disappearing as quickly as he could.
Janice went to her bedchamber and threw herself on her bed. She had been a hair’s breadth away from doing something that she should never have even contemplated doing, and yet the tug of attraction between them was so strong that neither had been able to help themselves.
She groaned at the thought of how wanton she had been. What must he think of her?
* * *
If Janice was thinking that Bernard was holding her in contempt for almost giving him her body, Bernard was feeling exactly the same way. He knew she was the chatelaine of the castle, and she probably thought he was trying his best to become her lover so that she would be forced to marry him.
He also knew that Janice had a substantial dowry, and indeed, now that the second formal dinner was approaching, young men were beginning to introduce themselves to her and waylay her in the corridors and on the staircases, trying to make themselves noticed. What Bernard did not know was that she had no interest in any of them, and although he fought it down, he was wildly jealous.
William was worried about his friend and said so as they sat in their chairs sipping wine around the fire in their chamber.
“You seem very distracted,” he remarked as he watched Bernard staring broodily into the fire. “Is something wrong? You can tell me.”
Bernard looked up and smiled at William, distractedly rubbing his jaw and thinking about how much he needed to shave.
“No, Will,” he answered. “I am fine, just a little tired.”
William studied Bernard for a moment, then said, “Bernard, we have known each other forever. I know when you are lying. Tell me what is wrong.”
Bernard sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “Janice,” he said irritably. “You told me to keep her busy, so I did, and now I cannot stop thinking about her.”
“Perhaps we can use it to our advantage,” William replied.
“How? We are supposed to be working on the weak brothers, not the strong sister,” Bernard pointed out.
“If you make her fall in love with you, perhaps you can get her to do as you wish,” William suggested. “She is not immune to your charms, is she?”
He raised his eyebrows and twitched a smile at his friend, then reached out his hand to squeeze the bulging muscle on Bernard’s arm.
Bernard gave him a playful swipe. “Remember, I am not one of you. I cannot go to the dinner tonight or partake in any of the formal events. I cannot be at Janice’s side at all, so before you start urging me to fall in love with her, remember that.”
William stood up to fetch them both a glass of wine. “No need to ask you to fall in love with her,” he observed. “You already have.”
Bernard looked up at his friend in shock, then opened his mouth to deny it, but William shook his head, laughing. “I told you! I know you better than you know yourself.”