She swallows. I glance over—not at her face, but at the trembling hands in her lap. She’s holding them together to quell the shaking but I can still see the fabric of her dress rustling with her anxiety.
“When he offered me a job here, I was terrified. I was sure that he would use me as a maid by day and then pass me off to his men at night. I prepared myself for it. In the end, maybe I even expected it.”
Finally, I drag my eyes up to her face. Something about her voice compels me to do it.
“So I wore the uniform, and I waited for someone to touch me. But no one did. When Master Kian called me to his office the first time, I felt sure that it was finally happening. Everything I’d always feared. But he kept his distance at all times. It was like he knew how skittish I would be around him. Around men in general. After what I’d been through…” She drifts off. “I’m still not wholly comfortable around men. I may never be. But with Master Kian, it’s different.”
The jealousy ignites again. It’s becoming so frequent that it’s familiar now. “Different?”
“I’m not delusional,” Aisling says firmly. “I know Master Kian is a dangerous man. I know what he has done and what he’s capable of. I’ve seen him kill a man right in front of my eyes. But I know he’s not a danger to me. And I don’t think he’s a danger to you, either, Renata.”
“Yes, well, we’re two very different women, aren’t we?” I shoot back at her. “You were a victim of rape and abuse. You did nothing wrong. I, on the other hand, am the daughter of his enemy.”
“Mercy means more when it comes from the ones who hate you the most,” she says wisely.
I roll my eyes and sigh in frustration. “Your loyalty to him is suspicious,” I say before I can stop myself.
She raises her eyebrows. “What are you saying?”
I refuse to answer her. I’m already sounding like a jealous bitch and I don’t want to make that worse. Especially since Aisling in the only friend I have right now. I bite back the bitterness and try to focus on that—our blossoming friendship—as opposed to the man between us.
“My brother… He raised me to hate the Irish,” I tell her flatly. “He told me that they were all barbarians who took what didn’t belong to them.”
“Isn’t that every mafia in every city in the world?” she asks.
I almost smile. “You may have a point. I suppose I never questioned him.”
“You never had a reason to.”
I nod slowly. “But I should have. I don’t know where he is, you know. Isn’t that weird? I’ve been with him as long as I can remember. But he disappeared just before Kian walked back into my life. This is the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing him.”
“Do you miss him?” Aisling asks tentatively.
“No,” I reply. “But I do worry about him sometimes. Does that make sense?”
“Yes.”
“I hate my brother most days,” I tell her. “And I pity him. But I also know him well enough to know that he’ll never give up. If he does, he might as well kill himself. There’ll be no point in going on.”
“Is that what it’ll come down to then?” Aisling asks. “Master Kian against your brother?”
“I think there’s no way around it. It’s inevitable. It has to be one or the other.”
The unspoken question hangs between us. Which side will I stand on if a decision needs to be made?
Drago is my brother, but the odds are stacked against him. He hasn’t done anything to win my loyalty, short of sharing my blood. And really, in the end, does that even count for much?
“Do you know who might be helping your brother?” Aisling asks.
I frown. “I have a few names floating around in my head,” I admit. “But they’re just guesses. I don’t really know where he is or what he’s planning.”
Aisling looks like she wants to say something. I notice the nervous way she’s folding her hands together.
“Why do you care so much about my brother’s whereabouts?” I ask suspiciously.
“I don’t care,” she says—a little too fast, in my opinion. “But I do think…”
“What?”