She takes a step forward. She looks drawn and tired, though her eyes are dry.
She sees us there. The bag in Sean’s hand. The look in his eyes.
And she knows at once.
“Ma,” Sean says, turning to her.
I brace myself, waiting for—hell, I’m not sure what. But something.
I get nothing. She just gives him a small nod.
“Stay safe, my son,” she says.
Then she turns and disappears down the passageway.
Sean stands there for a few seconds longer, as though he needs to process the enormity of the decision he’s making.
Then takes a deep breath and walks out the door.
I have no choice but to follow him.
“That wasn’t a real goodbye,” I say, unable to keep my mouth shut.
“Ma is as much a don in this house as Da is,” Sean tells me. “It was more than I expected.”
* * *
The walk to the bus station is quiet. Neither one of us even suggest taking a car. Walking will take longer and I want these last few moments with my brother to stretch out for as long as possible.
The night air is chilly, but I’m glad for it.
It lends a numbness to my body that I’m craving at this moment.
“Do you think I can do it?” I ask suddenly, breaking the morose silence.
“Of course,” Sean says without hesitation. “Without a doubt. So long as you’re not distracted by beautiful redheads.”
I snort with laughter. “She was beautiful, wasn’t she?”
“A fucking vision,” Sean agrees. “You were salivating at one point.”
“Fuck you.”
Sean throws me a sideways smile. “Will you check on her for me? The both of them?”
My body tenses suddenly. Does he know that I’d been planning on doing just that? Is this his subtle way of giving me his approval?
“I… yes,” I agree. “I can do that.”
“If her father dies…”
“That wasn’t a killing shot.”
“If he dies,” Sean insists, “just… make sure she’s okay. Make sure she knows that I didn’t… didn’t mean to…”
He doesn’t finish his sentence, and I realize he can’t.
Guilt can weigh heavy on a person. Especially one with a conscience.