Kian was always loyal to a fault. He didn’t speak to Da for weeks after he forced Sean to kill his dog.
Of course, Da didn’t exactly notice, but the gesture was not lost on me. It wasn’t lost on Sean, either.
“Have you heard from Sean at all?” I ask suddenly.
Kian sighs. “I tried for a long time to track him down. But—”
“He doesn’t want to be found.”
“That’s what I think, too,” Kian agrees with a nod. “I’m still trying not to take it personally.”
“Da knows his shit when it comes to the clan,” I say. “But he fucked up royally with the family.”
“Sometimes, I think he knows it, too.”
“You think?”
“It’s in the eyes,” Kian says simply.
I can’t help but smile at that one.
But Kian’s busy rubbing his own eyes sleepily. The habit reminds me of the boy he was at ten.
Out of nowhere, I feel a stab of disappointment for all those years I’d lost. I wasn’t there to give him his first beer, to pick him up after his first date. To teach him how to be a man.
I wasn’t there at all.
“You’re tired,” I say, getting to my feet. “Time to get some rest.”
“Fuck, I haven’t felt this drugged out in a long time. Not since I broke my arm a couple years ago.”
“You broke your arm?”
“The left one. Got the scar to prove it.”
“What happened?”
“Usual shit. Kinahan thugs thought they could ambush me in a club. They wanted to beat the hell out of me. They broke my arm, but I was the only one who walked away from that little encounter.”
Once again, I have to remind myself that Kian has lived a full life while I’d been living mine in Los Angeles.
“We’ll need to swap stories sometime.”
Kian grins sleepily at me. “I’m looking forward to it, brother.”
* * *
I slip out of his room and head to Da’s office. I’ve purposefully stayed away from it—mainly because Da’s presence is still so fucking oppressive.
It’s like he’s in the damn walls.
Watching me.
Judging me.
Questioning every fucking decision I make.
I sit behind his desk, push hard against the backrest, and prop my feet up on the shiny sleek surface. If Da saw me now, he’d probably have a fucking conniption.