I’ve heard rumors over the years. Rumors about where Cillian O’Sullivan disappeared to.
I’ve heard he runs in the mafia circles of L.A. now. And part of me believes that.
Which is why I’ve been thinking of America—but only in my dreams. Only when my higher brain can’t squash those little hopes that refuse to die.
I tell myself there are other reasons. It’s a big country. There are plenty of little cracks where I can melt into the masses and be left alone. Be forgotten.
Not that I expect Tristan to ever forget.
Or for that matter, to forgive this betrayal.
But I’m not after his forgiveness.
“Hon?” the cab driver repeats. “You alright?”
“Los Angeles,” I reply firmly. “I’m going to Los Angeles.”
Just saying the words out loud makes me feel giddy.
“Is that right?” he asks with an impressed whistle. “City of Angels. Very appropriate.”
I smile at the compliment. It doesn’t feel skeezy in the slightest, which is rare for me.
“Business or pleasure?” he inquires.
“Both, I guess. I’m relocating.”
He looks back at me with a frown. “You don’t have many bags for someone who’s relocating.”
“Yeah, well, I like to travel light.”
“You one of those kids that move from place to place?” he asks. “One of those nomad types?”
I laugh at that one.
Not least of all because he calls me a kid. I haven’t felt like one in so long that it’s kind of nice to hear it. Almost makes me feel like I’m changing already.
“Not quite. I want to put roots down somewhere. I just need to find the perfect place to settle.”
“And L.A. is it?”
“Not necessarily,” I say, enjoying this conversation more than I thought I would. “But we’ll see. I’ve got the rest of my life to figure it out.”
“You sound excited.”
“I do, don’t I?” I say as frantic laughter escapes through my lips. It surprises even me. When was the last time I laughed like that about anything? A real, genuine, bursting-from-your-gut kind of laugh?
I honestly can’t remember.
“You got family out there?” he asks.
“No, not quite.”
“So leaving family behind then?”
My elation dies down a little as my thoughts turn to Pa. I didn’t say goodbye to him. In fact, I didn’t give him any indication that I was leaving at all.
It was the hardest decision I’ve had to make through this whole process. But it was necessary.