“I have lunch with you every day,” I point out.
“That’s lunch,” he says stubbornly. “I’m talking about dinner!”
I throw my hands up in frustration and move towards the small window that faces his little single bed.
Dove Crest is a pretty nice nursing home. In fact, it’s one of the better ones in Dublin. Which of course means it’s not cheap, even with my employee discount.
But I twisted Tristan’s arm about it so much that he finally gave in. Mostly so that he could kick Pa out of his house and get the peace and quiet he craved.
But it’s still one of the scant few battles I’ve won with him.
Pa’s room overlooks a hilly patch of the garden. From this vantage point, I can see the walkway that I use every morning, walking one patient or the other. I can see the little vegetable patch by the peonies. I can even see the pond at the far end of the garden.
As far as things go, it’s a nice room. But none of it seems to make Pa happy. Truthfully, nothing makes him happy anymore.
And trust me, I’ve tried.
God, how I’ve tried.
The whole reason I took this nursing job at Dove Crest was so that I could be close to him.
Come to think of it, every decision I’ve made for the past twelve years has been about other people.
Starting with the choice to stay back in Dublin instead of leaving with Cillian.
It always makes my body tremble a little when I think of him.
And yes, I do still think of him.
All the fucking time.
It’s pathetic, really.
I’ve lived off that one night for the past twelve years. Those few hours have powered me through my darkest days and my lowest moments in life.
I’m a thirty-year-old woman now. No longer a child. No longer naïve.
And I still feel that the realest, truest, most authentic experience I’ve ever lived is the one I shared with Cillian when I was eighteen years old.
“Saoirse!” Pa barks, drawing me back from the window. “Stay tonight. Have dinner with me.”
“You know I can’t, Pa,” I say tiredly. “Tristan will be expecting me.”
“Tell him to join us here.”
I bite my lip. “Why don’t you have dinner with Lonny and Mel?” I suggest.
“Those bastards. I want nothing more to do with them.”
“Does this have anything to do with the poker game you played with them on Saturday?”
“They swindled me!”
“They didn’t,” I reply calmly. “Lonny won.”
“Only because Mel was reading cards behind my back. They cheated!”
I sigh and glance at the clock. “Pa, please, it’s almost six. I’m off-duty in fifteen minutes and I still need to give Mrs. Filan her sponge bath.”