Once Mama passed, there was no one else to do it but me.
That’s how I became his caretaker. A thankless job, but hey, someone’s gotta do it. My mother wasn’t up to the challenge, seeing as how she died a long time ago.
I decide to try a different tack with the blond jackass.
“Please,” I say, trying my hardest to ignore his devil-may-care smile. “I have to make sure my father is okay.”
“He’s fine. Sean’s not gonna hurt him. He just wants to sort out some details with your pa.”
“He owes you money?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“Two thousand euros?”
“Yes.”
“Then if you came to collect, you didn’t just come to talk.”
He shrugs. “There won’t be a problem if he has our money.”
“And if he doesn’t?” I press.
He raises his eyebrows, but the grin never leaves his face. “Are you saying he doesn’t?”
“I… I’m asking a fucking question.”
He hesitates for a moment. “My brother will handle it.”
“What does that mean?”
He sighs. “You need to calm down. If you’re worried that your father’s life is in danger, don’t be. We’re not planning on killing him today.”
“Today?” I croak, my voice going up a couple of octaves.
He seems unfazed by my reaction. “Your father has quite the reputation, you know,” he mentions offhand. As though that’s news to me.
I bark out a bitter laugh. “You think I don’t know my father? You think I’m blind to his faults? That I don’t know just how much shit he’s in?”
I probably should shut my mouth, but something about his slightly curious gaze agitates me.
And I keep talking.
“My father’s a drunk, a gambler, and an idiot,” I say, the words spilling out of me like vomit. “He’s been in debt since I was a kid and he’s gambled away every penny we’ve ever earned.”
I take in a deep breath. Cillian says nothing.
“I know exactly who he is and exactly what he’s done,” I continue. “But he’s still my father. He’s my family. And at the end of the day, that still means something to me.”
When I finish my little speech, I realize I’m wheezing heavily.
I’m dangerously close to tears, too.
And that is just not an option.
I will not cry.
Especially not in front of him.