My manager found me at a hole in the wall bar in Brooklyn, playing to people who were drunk and more interested in each other than me. But my life has been different ever since. I’ve been playing bigger venues and actually getting paid for music. Until this summer happened.
It was made incredibly clear to me that this is an unstable point in my career and taking time off wasn’t exactly a good idea. But I don’t have a choice.
I suppose I do have a choice, but it’s not one that I would ever make.
“Everything okay?” Seph asks.
I force a smile and look at her. “Yeah. Just someone from home checking in.” They’ll call again later I’m sure, and I’ll have to explain yet again why I can’t come back to New York. I love living in that city, and truly for the most part the people who live there are good and down to earth. And then there are the other times where the New York bubble is real, and people can’t see outside of themselves. With my manager and the rest of the team, this has been one of those times.
My phone rings again, this time it’s my dad. Again. Twice in one day is a little much. Which means it’s probably actually important.
“Popular,” Seph whispers.
“I do need to take this one,” I say, sitting on the edge of the bed.
She sits up. “Should I leave?”
“No, stay,” I say, putting my hand on her ankle and stroking her skin. I click answer on the call. “Two times in one day. You worried about me?”
A rough chuckle. “No. I’m sure you’re doing just fine.”
“Then it’s you.”
He sighs. “Yeah. They’re taking me in for another PET scan tomorrow. Something about just wanting to check something but they’re being cagey. And you know that doctors being cagey is never a good thing.”
“Yeah…” I say. “Do you need me back there?”
“No, I just want to keep you up to date. Nothing in this situation is good coming as a surprise.”
I scrub a hand across my face. “That’s true. Let me know though. I’ll probably have to make a run for things in the next week. I can stop by.”
There’s a brief hesitation. “Your mother would like that.”
My dad has never had a problem asking me to do things. He’s not too proud to admit that he needs help, and that’s why he asked me to take over the camp for him this summer, since everything is up in the air. If he’s not up on his feet next year or worse—I stop that thought in its tracks—he’ll hire someone who might be interested in the position full time.
But he’s never been good at asking for things like visits, and so I’ve learned to interpret. And him saying that my mother will enjoy the visit is enough to let me know that he’d like to see me. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“How is the first day going?”
I can’t help the smile on my face. “I think it might be the best first day of camp that I’ve ever had,” I say, squeezing Seph’s foot. “Turns out there’s someone on staff here that was a camper with me, and its been good to catch up. And it’s a good group of campers.”
My dad breaks into a coughing fit, which makes me tense with nervousness. He doesn’t sound good. I’m definitely going to visit him when I have to make a run into town where my parents live. “That’s great, son. I don’t want to keep you from your day, so I’ll keep you posted.”
“Okay.”
He hangs up without saying goodbye. His voice was tight, and I have no doubt that he was holding back more coughing until the connection ended.
“Who was that?” Seph asks.
“My dad,” I say, avoiding her eyes. Not very many people know that my dad is sick. Not anyone here at the camp—they think that he’s taking a year off to travel with my mom—not my manager or team, and now not Seph.
If he would let me tell people, it would be easier. I doubt that my team would be so confused about the two-month hiatus if they knew. But my dad doesn’t want anyone to know. It’s who he’s always been, and I can’t change him. But I can’t ignore the feeling that my music dream is drifting out of reach by the second.
It’s not anyone’s fault. You can’t blame cancer for being an asshole. It just is.
Seph clears her throat, and I realize that I’ve been quiet for a couple of minutes. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah, he’s doing okay. Just checking in to see how I’m doing on my first day.”
“I was wondering how you ended up here. Your dad loves this place.”
I swallow and force another smile. “Yeah, he just needed a year off, so he roped me into it. So far it hasn’t been that bad.”