“Esme...” She begins as if she wants to say something. Then she trails off, at a loss for words.
I give her a reassuring smile and shoo her inside. But the moment she disappears through the door, my smile drops.
Oh God, what have I done?
I’ve blown up my life—again. And now, I don’t have the luxury of time to plan my escape.
I walk out of the alleyway, trying to maintain a calm pace, but I speed up instinctively the moment I clear the restaurant. I head down the street.
But instead of hailing a cab, I just keep walking.
The motion helps with my flustered thoughts. I’m hoping I can have a plan put together by the time I reach my apartment.
I thought I left this kind of life, these kind of worries in my rearview mirror. But somehow, it always manages to catch up with me.
And I’ve killed someone else. Another dangerous man.
He deserved it. That is my only solace.
My footsteps make sharp sounds against the sidewalk. People look at me pass as they always do. Men in cars, men walking by me. They all look at my stomach, every time.
I feel that familiar sharp shooting pain. But it’s mild and honestly, I’ve gotten used to it. I’ve had pain through my entire pregnancy. The stress has followed me from the mountains. It doesn’t seem like it’s looking to abandon me any time soon.
When I get to my apartment, I walk up the three flights of stairs, stopping to rest on each landing, before I finally make it to my unit.
I’ve got the key in the door when I hear running footsteps. A second later, Juanita and Eva round the corner with their mother, Gabrielle, right behind them. She’s pregnant, too, with a stomach that’s almost as large as mine.
“Emily!” Gabrielle croons when she sees me.
She’s got a load of laundry attached to her hip and a thin sheen of sweat that clings to her brow. I will myself to smile back, hoping that my face won’t betray me.
“Hola, Gabby,” I greet.
The little girls, Juanita and Eva, race towards me and encircle me from either side.
“Hola, Emily,” Eva says, flashing me a huge smile that reveals her lack of front teeth.
“Hola, princesa,” I reply, tweaking her nose. “Where have you troublemakers been?”
Eva tattles on her sister immediately. “Juanita made a mess on my bedsheet,” she says. “So we went to do the laundry.”
“I didn’t make the mess—you did!” Juanita cries out.
“Chicas!” Gabby says tiredly. “Here’s the key. Please, go inside.”
“We wanna talk to Emily,” Juanita whines.
“Tomorrow,” I tell her, knowing full well there will be no tomorrow. “Do as your mother says.”
Gabby shoots me a grateful smile as both girls skip to their door. I’ve been in their apartment twice before. It’s a tiny studio. The girls share a single queen mattress with their parents. A new baby on the way will only make things harder.
“Are you okay, Emily?” Gabby asks.
“Me?”
She nods. “You looked a little worried.”
I hadn’t even realized I was being so obvious. Or maybe I wasn’t. Maybe Gabby is just that good at sussing out when something was wrong. After all, she is the mother to two young girls.