I’m sorry?
I couldn’t do it anymore?
I have to protect myself and my child?
I can’t trust you to walk away?
I can’t trust anyone but myself?
Nothing feels right. Nothing seems enough. “Don’t tell him anything,” I say finally. “He’ll know why I left.”
“But will he understand?”
No, he probably won’t.
“It doesn’t matter,” I reply. “Our lives are on different paths now.”
Aracelia nods again. “When do you want to leave?”
“Now,” I reply. “As soon as possible. If I stay any longer, I’m afraid… I’m afraid I won’t be able to go.”
“I’ll pack some food for you.”
She disappears into the kitchen, leaving me with my husband. I raise his hand to my lips and kiss his bruised knuckles. Then I bend my head down and kiss his closed eyes, his forehead, his cheeks.
I save his lips for last.
“I loved you,” I whisper in his ear. “Remember that I loved you.”
I let go of his hand and step back. The final goodbye sticks in my throat, refusing to come out.
So I leave it unsaid. I blink away my tears and turn.
And then, one step at a time, I walk away from Artem. From the man who saved me and ruined me and saved me again.
Doubt threads through my thoughts. But that is just fear trying to confuse me.
I made my decision and now it’s time to see it through.
I loved you.
I used the past tense, but that’s just self-preservation.
I still love him. I always will. I don’t know how to stop.