The realization that I made a choice about what happens next. One I couldn’t fully process until right now.
It’s just you and me, little bird.
A single tear slips down my cheek.
The only one who has the power to give me the life I want is me.
If I want a different life, I have to take it.
And I can’t make Artem come with me.
I can’t bring him with me at all.
My muscles cry out for me to stay in the bath forever. But now that I’ve made my choice and acknowledged it to myself, I feel like the clock is already ticking. Ticking down to what, I’m not sure—until I lose heart or lose the opportunity, maybe.
I just know I have to do it now.
I have to leave forever.
I get out, dry off in a hurry as panic flows through me faster and faster, and go into the bedroom.
There’s a pair of faded blue jeans on the bed next to a flowing floral shirt and a dusty pink sweater.
I dress hurriedly with fumbling hands. Then I head back towards the dining table where Artem lies.
I can hear Aracelia in the kitchen, but before I speak to her, I slip outside to the car. I rummage through the trunk and the center console until I find what I’m looking for.
When I walk back into the house, Aracelia is standing by the dining table checking on Artem. She looks up and catches sight of me.
“Don’t you look better?” she says with a smile.
I return the smile shakily and step forward.
“I want you to have this,” I say, holding out the bundle of money in my hand.
She arches an eyebrow. Not quite surprised, but not quite expecting this, either. “Esme…”
“It’s the least I can do,” I insist. “After all you’ve done for me.”
“What about you?”
“I kept some for myself,” I say. “But I want you to have this.”
Aracelia hesitates but then she takes the money with careful fingers and sets it down on the table beside Artem.
Turning my gaze from her to him, I move a little closer and put my hand on Artem’s arm.
“I’m leaving, Aracelia,” I say softly without looking at her.
“Where?” I notice that she doesn’t sound in the least bit surprised.
“I don’t know yet. But I have the car and enough money to hold me over for the next few months. I’ll figure it out.”
In the corner of my vision, Aracelia nods. “What would you like me to tell him when he wakes up?” she asks.
I gnaw at my lower lip. “Tell him…”
I trail off, wondering what message I can possibly leave him with.