Everything nonessential fades.
There’s only me and the music.
I play the Nocturnes from Chopin and I let each note take me deeper and deeper, farther and farther, higher and higher.
Taking me away to a time when I was still naïve enough to believe that one day, life might be as simple as the next chord.
I remember a time when I could sit in front of my piano and play every day, when I still dreamed of playing piano in concerts all over the world.
I remember a time when my brother was still my hero, my biggest motivator, and my biggest fan…
Many Years Ago
The keys clang. Wrong note. I yell in frustration.
“What’s the matter, little bird?”
I scowl and turn to face him. Cesar is standing by the window, looking at me with amusement.
“I can’t get it right.”
“You will,” he tells me confidently. “You just need to practice.”
“It’s too hard.”
“I don’t doubt it,” he replies. “Which will make it all the more impressive when you master it.”
I sigh and kick into thin air. My legs don’t quite reach the ground. That in and of itself is frustrating.
“Papa wants me to play for his guests next week,” I admit.
“Ah.”
“I’m not good enough,” I say sheepishly. “If I make a mistake, Papa will be angry.”
“Papa will deal with it.”
Cesar walks forward and nudges at my shoulder. I move down a little so he can sit next to me.
I don’t feel as frustrated when Cesar is here. He makes me less scared of Papa.
“I don’t like when you go away,” I tell him. “Why can’t I go to your school, too?”
“It’s only for boys.”
“I want to be a boy.”
“No, you don’t,” Cesar rebuffs quickly. “Trust me. You’re better off being a girl.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ll fly under Papa’s radar,” he mumbles.
I frown. That doesn’t quite make sense to me. But I’m only seven. Cesar says there’s a lot I won’t understand until I’m older.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Cesar says, shaking his head and smiling quickly. “Trust me, it’s better that you’re a girl.”