“I have someone special I want you to meet,” she whispers.
Then she plucks the baby from the bassinet.
I feel my heart churn in a way I’ve never actually experienced before. Time feels slower. All sound drops away.
Esme steps back around, and for the first time, I’m given an uninterrupted view of my son.
He’s small, but he fits perfectly in the crook of Esme’s arm.
His face is turned up to her. Then she angles him in my direction and I see his face.
My own features reflected back at me. The jaw, the nose, the brow—it’s Kovalyov through and through.
All except the eyes.
He’s got his mother’s eyes, soft and molten and as yet unmarred by the evils of the world.
“O bozhe moy,” I breathe in Russian as Phoenix looks at me with something close to confusion.
“He’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Esme asks.
I nod and swallow. “He’s perfect.”
“Here,” she says, moving closer.
“What are you doing?”
She smiles patiently. “I thought you might like to hold him.”
Have I ever held a baby before?
No, I’m sure I have.
And even if had, this… this is different.
I offer up my arms and Esme gently places the squirming baby into them.
“Just relax,” Esme tells me as he fusses a little.
I pull him closer to my chest and place an arm right underneath him, securing him in place. He seems to like that position better.
After a moment, he settles a little.
“You’re a natural,” Esme says.
“Phoenix,” I whisper, testing how his name feels on my lips. I look up at Esme. “It suits him.”
“That’s what I thought,” she agrees. “I know it’s not one of the names we discussed…”
“It’s perfect,” I tell her with finality.
She nods, and we just look at our son together for a few moments.
“This is what I always wanted,” Esme says, putting her hand on my arm. “You, me, and Phoenix. Just the three of us.”
I glance up at her, hating myself for having lied to her before.
I know I need to clear things up, but I find myself looking back down at my son.
I let myself get distracted.
I let myself off the hook.
But for one moment…
One blissful, perfect moment…
None of that matters.
I have what I need right here.