Esme
After we’re done with dinner, Tonya heads over to one of the common areas to play cards with some of the other women.
I head to my dorm. I change Phoenix, feed him again, and settle into my lower bunk. Just before I sleep, I count out the money I’ve hidden in my bra.
I’ve got four hundred and sixty-seven dollars. I’ve also got my wedding ring, but I have no intention of selling it if I can avoid it.
I put the small bundle of cash, as well as the ring, back into my bra and secure everything so that they’ll be protected in case I start lactating. Then, unable to keep my eyes open any longer, I fall asleep with my arm wrapped protectively around Phoenix.
I’m so tired that it’s the first time my sleep isn’t disturbed. It’s a hard sleep, totally dreamless, just black and deep and so fucking welcome.
At least, it is—until I stir in the early hours of the morning and notice something.
Or rather, the lack of something. A glaring absence.
My sleep-addled brain tries to figure out what’s wrong.
What am I missing?
The answer comes at the same time the panic sets in.
Where is my son?
I can’t feel his little form beside me. I can’t feel his warmth against my cheek. It’s dark, so I gently pat the space next to me trying to determine if he’s rolled away from me somehow.
But he hasn’t.
He’s not in bed with me at all.
Panic so acute stabs through me like a spear. I get up so fast I knock my head against the top bunk.
I hear a low grunt that I recognize as Tonya rustling above me, but she murmurs in sleep and doesn’t wake.
I stumble out of bed and look around in desperation—when I hear humming.
I freeze as I catch sight of Nancy’s wild hair. She’s sitting by the window, thin dredges of moonlight creating a weird crisscross pattern against her face.
I glance down at the small bundle in her arms.
Phoenix.
My first instinct is to rush over there and rip Phoenix from her arms, but I hesitate, terrified of how she might react and what she might do to my baby if I don’t succeed in taking him from her on the first try.
I walk over slowly but she doesn’t look up at me. Her eyes are fixed on Phoenix.
He’s awake, I realize. His big, beautiful eyes are fixed on her with mild interest.
He’s playing with one of her long curls with his small fist. He pulls at it, but Nancy doesn’t seem to mind.
“There’s my handsome boy,” she coos at him.
“Nancy,” I say, but my voice trembles just a little. “Nancy, can you give Phoenix back to me, please?”
The moonlight is throwing all the scars on her arms into high relief. The effect is alarming and somehow threatening at the same time.
“Pretty baby,” Nancy coos without addressing me.
She hasn’t even acknowledged my presence yet.